Showing posts with label Action. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Action. Show all posts

Thursday, October 31, 2019

The Atlantis Interceptors (1983)

Exploitation films are some of the most polarizing for movie fans. Since Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez put out 'Grindhouse' in 2007 there has been a slew of films trying to duplicate what filmmakers were doing in the late '70s and early '80s. 'Hobo With a Shotgun' is a phenomenal example of capturing the spirit of those films, but 'Grindhouse' is playing it a little too safe. Sure, it's a fun movie and pays great love and admiration for the films of yore, but it's too self aware. The same can be said for 'Machete'. It too is a fun movie, but it's not the same as watching films like 'Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS' or 'Fair Game'. Movies like that took themselves serious, and pushed what, at that time, was the envelope for genre films.

Ruggero Deodato you may know from as the director of the infamous 'Cannibal Holocaust'. It's a powerful, visceral film that is a prime example of exploitation filmmaking. His follow up, 'House on the Edge of the Park' was another great example of a brutal movie with an unrelenting tale of home invasion. After making two films with unrelenting violence I guess Deodato decided that he needed to make a ridiculous, completely absurd film about Atlantis rising from the ocean.

Mike (Christopher Connolly) and Washington (Tony King), who insists on being called Mohamed, are mercenaries who are the best at their job. After kidnapping an old man for some unnamed colonel, the two take their payment and head on their boat for a little vacation in Trinidad. While journeying out to sea, a helicopter circles the vessel pissing off the crew of Mike, Washamed and their boy servant, Manuel. The chopper is carrying Dr. Cathy Rollins, an expert in Spanish languages, to a government research station in the middle of the Atlantic ocean. The crew is composed of nuclear scientists who are trying to raise a Soviet submarine from the ocean floor.

On land, however, a group of a-typical post-apocalyptic cyber punks have taken to the streets, slaughtering the citizens of Miami. Their leader, a pleasant fellow by the name of Crystal Skull rules the violent gang. Suddenly an earthquake moves the oceans, and an island breaks the surface. There are trees, and mountains, and the island looks to be enclosed in a bubble similar to that of a vending machine toy. The research station is being taken down by the force of the water as Mike and his crew brave the storm in their boat, and they miraculously make it through. As the boat sails on, Mike and the gang run across survivors from the station and they head for land not knowing the horrors that have unfolded on shore.

In the early '80s there was a wave of Italian produced post-apocalyptic movies that came on the market. 'Atlantis Interceptors' is one of the better of the bunch as Deodato plays with many different genres to really make one ridiculously fun film. From action to comedy, to horror and thriller Deodato borrows heavily from many other films. You see shades of 'Escape from New York', 'The Road Warrior', and even some James Bond type of elements. A solid foundation, but the film also has a pretty well crafted original story. Just over-the-top enough to be absurd, but handled well enough that it isn't awful. The acting isn't that bad considering other films of its type. Tony King is solid comic relief, and does well at being that sarcastic asshole throughout the film.

The acting, being better than I expected, I was let down by the lack of violence that I've seen in other Deodato films. Many movies in his catalog are littered with gore that it was interesting to see a 'less is more' attitude to the violence. This is one area that would have improved the film as the gang, while raising hell on the beaches of Miami, doesn't really get to shine. The villain, Crystal Skull isn't really as fleshed out as you would like. He's the sort of character that really needs to be malicious and terrifying. We get a guy decapitated, and another guy spiked to death in a jungle trap. Other than that, we don't see this gang really be all that terrorizing other than slicing one or two people up with swords.

The soundtrack was another downside of the movie as the disco jams just didn't really fit the tone of the movie. It's awkward actually, and takes away from this Atlantis rising world. Thankfully you can excuse the soundtrack because there are some great action sequences with shoot-outs, motorcycles and Mad Max style cars.

As a cult movie though, 'The Atlantis Interceptors' is a real blast. It's nothing that will change your view on post-apocalyptic movies, but solid performances, over-the-top action really elevate it to something better than it really should have been. It won't be remembered as Deodato's best, but it's a fun way to spend an hour and a half.

'The Atlantis Interceptors' is currently available in the Grindhouse Experience Vol. 2 DVD Box Set. It's loaded with 20 other fantastically shitty films ranging from 'Jaws' knockoffs to foreign superhero films. It ranges about $20, and is really worth your time if you're looking for some bad movies.

Rating: 3 out of 5 Trash Bags

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Nightbreed: The Cabal Cut (2014)

Guest Review by Travis Indovina

I grew up with make believe. I can relate most of my earliest memories to comic books, movies, gateways to fantasy and imagination. My father, a Peter Pan at heart is responsible for this. His childish enthusiasm for the unreal formed and shaped my mental workspace and to some extent, my perception. As I got older, the more I delved into the fantastic the more I began to learn. This, I believe, has had a significant effect on my moral standing and personality traits. I have no doubt that my hopeless optimism comes from Superman's impenetrable (if not unrealistic) faith in human kind despite their inhumanity to themselves, my racial and feminist empathies can be put into perspective by the films of George Romero and James Cameron and perhaps, because of this, is why I've been so attracted to the horror genre.

A lot of horror films trivialize death into dark fantasies making spectacles of violence, while other horror films are the melding of otherworldly forces unknown to our understanding and how they can be just as dark as some fairy tales can be light. They can also be interpreted as morality tales, scaring its audience with the evils of the world, never glorifying but exploiting them as grim and truly immoral. Horror and escapism can be used as a tool in melding humanism and social awareness for entertainment. And I would eventually stumble upon a movie that I felt would meld all that I love about fairy tale fantasy and social morality. When I was 13, I found Nightbreed.

The movie, about an outsider who joins a club of outsiders (monsters) who are ostracized and oppressed by patriarchy combined the comic book sensibilities of something like the X-Men, full of subtexts that can be correlated to civil rights, sexual orientation and any other social discrimination, the heart of a story like Frankenstein, who wasn't born evil, but misunderstood, the visual
iconicism of a slasher movie, action, fantasy and even romance. I thought it was bad ass! I'd eventually read in horror movie publications such as Fangoria and Toxic that Nightbreed was meant to be a franchise, a series of films expanding the mythology of the characters and that the film itself was intended to be much different than what we actually received. The film's story was re-purposed by the distributor which conflicted with the filmmaker's vision. Though, I loved what already was, I was now influenced by the knowledge that there was more and I could realize that something was missing with each subsequent viewing.

So I read the original novel it was based upon, “Cabal” and any issues of the comic book I could find and always wondered and theorized what Nightbreed could've been. And some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two and a half thousand years, the movie passed out of all knowledge... Well, no, but, some years went by and shortly after sharing the movie with my then girlfriend in 2008/2009 I had read online that a 160 minute workprint had been unearthed and was going to be screened at a horror con in Indianapolis. I had to go! I was waiting for this moment for 10 years! And we went!

Before the screening there was a Q&A with writer and director Clive Barker. He mentioned that all he needed to find was some reels of film and they could begin restoring it for a Director's Cut. Now, when I watched this version my viewing experience could have been enhanced by not only my excitement, but how I mentally pieced the film together due to its technical imperfections. The quality of the Workprint was not only in rough shape, but the score, visual/optical and sound effects as well as audio mixing and re-shoots were all absent! So my pleasure could stem from my fan bias as well as how actively engaged I was at trying to make sense of it all based on my general understanding of how a movie is made. Which only, in my mind, made it a better film because not only could I reflect and see what the finished project was meant to be, but all of the holes that were apparent in the theatrical version were finally fulfilled painting a much more refined picture. The characters felt like they had more purpose and given much more weight in the film and some of the lack of re-shoots aloud the narrative to breath.

For plenty of viewers it was an eye sore because I don't think people realized how formative a stage a workprint is for a film, but I left the screening elated.

Now, when I heard that the CABAL CUT was underway it was like a dream come true. Finally someone would take both versions to make a cohesive and coherent edition of Nightbreed as it was intended. Restructuring the film in the best way possible. And when I finally saw the "Cabal Cut" either my expectations were too high, or I relied too heavily on the version I had made in my head but it was still a work in progress, and I expected it to be closer to a finished product.

The Cabal Cut jarringly cut from DVD footage to the cruddy off color muted video quality of the workprint, using some scenes that flowed and some cuts that didn't. I assumed that the footage had been found and that it would be more complete and not look so much like a glorified fan-edit, but I was wrong... Russell Cherrington, the “expert” responsible for this cut had stated before the screening that if anyone wanted to discuss the film or had any suggestions about it could talk with him afterwards. I approached him after the screening and I asked how they intended to release the film, would it include both versions, would it have deleted scenes and such and he didn't seem all that interested but he was nice enough to patronize me. He said yes to it all and I asked him about one scene that I didn't think fit and he agreed but he said he liked it anyway... I thanked him for his time and I was disappointed.

Afterwards I kept asking myself, where is Clive Barker and where's his involvement in this version? Is he supervising this cut and does he have a say? Or has he kind of removed himself from the material and faithfully relies on the hands of others? I just decided not to get my hopes up too much. Not long after that was it revealed that home video distributor Shout Factory was working on releasing an official Director's Cut.

The ultimate limited edition set was very expensive for one movie but I caved and ordered it. A few weeks before it would find its way into my eagerly waiting hands, reviews began to surface and some fans, as well as some of my friends were unimpressed with the new edit. This put a slight damper on my heart, I say slight because while I may not entirely enjoy the context of this new official reconstruction of the movie, I still have the version I've loved all these years, and I'll have a ton of special features to compliment it, so, good or bad, to experience Nightbreed yet again for the first time in a different way is enough for me.

I watched all of the features first, and I was a bit confused as to why the man responsible for this ambitious epic of blood and magic wasn't present in the main retrospective making of documentary. Also, in this feature there was footage of scenes that were not present in the deleted scenes (and neither in the Director's Cut, but more on that in a moment). I can't say I'm entirely underwhelmed, but I'm curious to know what shorthanded these features. And then, I took a deep breath to finally embark on the Director's Cut.

I started this new cut and I couldn't calm myself. I kept comparing it to what I had seen before instead of just taking it in. My mind was racing and I began deconstructing it immediately, repeating the criticisms of my colleagues. After about 30 minutes in, I stopped it and took a break. Found a distraction (the guitar) and eased my mind for a bit. Then, I started it over.

I don't think the Director's Cut is perfect, but that doesn't mean I think it's bad by any means! In this new version, I found the first act to be a bit uneven for Clive is trying to bring in more character development in an already quickly moving story, interspersing scenes of character relationship excised from the theatrical version between scenes of exposition. There's a musical number where the male lead visits his significant other performing on stage during a concert and while this scene is cool to see, I found it unnecessary for I feel their relationship is given enough development throughout the course of the story. The use of alternate takes heightening the performances I thought brought a solid emotional context to the film that wasn't as blatant in the theatrical release. Also, the movie tends to ponder during the second act, spending a lot of time on the antagonists, while I can see this being a problem for most viewers, I felt it made the climax all the more satisfying with the inclusion of some more action. Because of the heart that this new version tries to
define made the new ending work beautifully. This version is also more faithful to the novel and brings a lot more clarity to some of the ideas that originally felt rushed. I've waited forever for a Director's Cut and honestly, I am pleased. I respect Mr. Barker's intended vision of his film even though I don't find it better than the theatrical version nor do I think it is a completely different movie as it is being advertised by its developers. I like them both for different reasons; if I want a dark romantic fantasy, I have the Director's Cut, if I want an action film, I have the theatrical cut.

I can totally understand why viewers would be underwhelmed with this new version. The new footage was spoken of in legendary proportions which only lead the fans to enthusiastically speculate that this film would be nothing less than a life changing experience. After 25 years of waiting to see what could have been, we simply get a monster movie rich in myth given a bit more heart.

So now, a journey of mine has come to a close. I've devoted so much of my life to loving and studying this movie and all of my wonders and questions have finally been answered. I shall always hold this movie in my heart and in my mind as well as on my shelf.

Final notes:

Considering the materials that were given, I love the clarity in picture this Blu-Ray has to offer. But there's still plenty of footage that was featured in the workprint that is not present in this set, some of which I'd like to see again: In the workprint (as well in the novel) the mask in Decker's mind would talk to him, beckoning him to come out. Interesting to note that the workprint originally opened with the scene where Lori visits Boone at his job in the car garage (another scene I found to be unnecessary in the DC). The family Decker murders was not present nor were the two characters of the chubby guy with the tentacles that come out of his stomach and his black bull looking friend. Also, Hugh Quarshie survives and aids the Nightbreed in escaping.


Sunday, April 28, 2013

V/H/S 2 (2013)

Since 'The Blair Witch Project' broke box office records back in 1999 it seems like everyone under the sun has tried to put their own spin on the found footage sub-genre. From zombies and ghosts to Sasquatch and Nessie; pretty much every producer could put in a little financial backing and receive a pretty solid ROI.  The truth is that most of these films were shoddily put together with little foundation of creating an entertaining film.

Last year, horror website Bloody Disgusting ventured into the original film department with their horror anthology release, 'V/H/S'. The film fared rather well in terms of audiences and critics, so inevitably a sequel would manifest itself in no time. I enjoy the first film immensely as it was a fresh take on the tired found footage formula, but I did have my issues with the film. The wraparound story of the group of men trying to search for a wanted tape was the first films biggest downfall, as the acting and characters weren't anything to envelop the stories in-between. The other issue, as with any anthology movie, is that you're going to be left with films you really like, maybe some you're impartial to, and others that you just didn't care for at all. A lot of people didn't seem to enjoy the Ti West offering in the last installment, but I enjoy a slow burn.

As with the previous 'VHS' film, the sequel starts off with a wraparound story to envelop the found footage horrors. This time round we follow a group of private investigators who are sent to find a woman's missing son. As they enter the apartment, they find TV sets stacked in a wall with dozens of VCRs and tapes haphazardly strewn about the room. As one investigator goes searching through the house, the other starts looking through the man's tape collection.

Now here is where I should provide details of all the tapes that are viewed, but that would take away from the fun of the film. Each of the four stories are so different, but compliment each other rather smoothly. The basic premise for the films are: Ghosts ('Clinical Trials'), Zombies ('A Ride in the Park'), a cult ('Safe Haven') and an alien abduction ('Slumber Party Alien Abduction'). Whereas the first film had a few mediocre segments this sequel finds all the right beats from the first one, and amplifies them to the umptenth degree. Laughs, gore and atmosphere are all present in each segment, and the crowd I saw it with was laughing and screaming the entire time.

Honestly, I'm pretty hard pressed to find any issues with 'VHS 2'. It was exactly what I wanted from a sequel, and had a great sense of fun with each offering. The directors involved all did a wonderful job of staying within the horror genre, but allowing for comedic elements to ring throughout to offset the violence and scares. I don't even have a favorite segment, but if there was one that the audience seemed to respond to the most it was Gareth Evans 'Safe Haven'. This is the gentlemen who directed last years fantastic 'The Raid'.

While found footage may not have been reinvented with 'VHS 2', it certainly was well crafted in how to entertain an audience. For whatever faults there may have been in the previous installment, all have been eradicated with this new outing. The best thing about a budding franchise like 'VHS' is that it's a venue for up and coming directors to showcase their talents in a condensed form. They can churn out one a year like any other horror franchise, but the difference here is that we'll never see the same movie twice.

'VHS 2' will be released by Magnet Releasing on VOD July 6th with a limited theatrical run July 12th.

Rating: 5 out of 5 Trash Bags

Thursday, March 7, 2013

Death Kappa (2010)

The execution of a proper parody is a difficult thing to accomplish. You have to be able to break the fourth wall with your knowledge of the genre shortcomings, while continuing to push the original story ahead. Too many times, we are bombarded with nonsensical pop-culture references that are supposed to represent plot and character development. That's why well loved spoof movies are few and far between.

Kaiju films have been lampooned forever, and, as described above, few are any good. The interesting thing about 'Death Kappa' is that while it was made in Japan, it has all the features of an American edit of a classic Kaiju film. Bad dubbing, special effects and incoherent plot points are only some of the aspects of 'Death Kappa' that are hamming it up.

In Japanese folklore, a Kappa is a mischievous goblin creature who happens to eat cucumbers (hence, Kappa Roll), and loves Sumo wrestling. This is all described in the beginning of the film by an American man with a Japanese name and accent. It sets the comedic tone for the film right off the bat.

'Death Kappa' tells the story of a Japanese pop-star who just couldn't hack it in the busy world of Tokyo, and moves back to the country to be with her one remaining family member, her grandmother. While taking the train back to her home town, the film is interjected with shots of  her grandmother walking with a basket of cucumbers and a group of rambunctious teenagers drinking and driving. Suddenly, out of a cliche, the grandmother is hit by the group of teenagers who speed off, and knock the remains of a petrified Kappa into the ocean (note: the "ocean" was represented by a fish tank).

The Kappa springs to life and dances around with the pop-star and her friends. All the while, a menacing creature is lurking on the beaches killing all in its wake. As the Kappa becomes friendly and dances to the star's music, a menacing figure is lurking around the corner. Are these two connected? What will happen to the Kappa and his friends? Where are the giant monster fights?!

Out of the last two questions presented only one matters:  giant monster fights. The film took the route of parodying two styles of Kaiju films: the family friendly and the classic monster vs monster. What I find to be the issue with 'Death Kappa' is that we are essentially given two separate movies that have to be judged as one. 'Death Kappa' is broken down into three parts: Family Film, Mad Scientist Film and Giant Monster Film. Each one handled differently in terms of what material is being poked fun at, but the jokes are just too forced and stale. From poorly written dialogue to cheesy computer effects, we're trying so hard to follow the story that the jokes are just pelted at us like a monkey throwing its shit.

It feels like the filmmakers really did have an appreciation for the giant monster movies of yesteryear, but with the face paced editing, it made the film feel too modern. The dubbing was atrocious, and it felt too much like the wooden acting was intentional. Sometimes it works, but mostly when the films weren't trying to be funny. The plus sides of 'Death Kappa' though are the costume and set design, which felt very much like a Kaiju film. Solid sculpting works on the monster bodysuits was a fine piece of eye candy, while your brain suffered through the plot.

At the end of the day though 'Death Kappa' is going to be a love it or hate it type of experience. There are a few laughs here or there, but I honestly felt like I was suffering through a lot of it. By the time the monster actually did make an appearance I had already checked out. It's not going to be remembered for anything other than a throwaway parody.

'Death Kappa' is available on Blu-Ray and DVD from Tokyo Shock.
Rating: 2 out of 5 Trash Bags



IMDB Page

Amazon Page

Sunday, November 4, 2012

A Visual Schedule

Here's the selection of films we will be reviewing over the next several months.

First Row: SeedPeople, The Ladies Club, The Sender, Chained Heat, Sky Pirates, Death Machine, Night of the Scarecrow, Mutant.

Second Row: Prisoners of the Lost Universe, Angel, McGinsey's Island, Red Heat, Avenging Force, Unmasked Part 25, RawHead Rex.

Third Row: The Dirt Bike Kid, Fast Food, Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks, SpellCaster, Vice Academy 2, The Brain.

First Row: Making Contact, The New Adventures of Pipi Longstocking, Night of the Demon, Ticks, Brain Damage, Silent Night Deadly Night Special (1-5).

Second Row: Damned River, The Kiss, Black Evil, Mortuary, Godzilla vs. Biollante, Carnosaur Special (1-3), The Deadly Spawn/Metamorphosis, Maniac Cop Special (1-3).

Third Row: Creepers, Bad Channels, Demon Wind, The Offspring, The Legend of Blood Castle, Head of the Family, Lifeforce, Murder in Space, China Girl, The Lightening Incident.

Fourth Row: The Manitour, Mirror Mirror, Rest in Pieces, Up From the Depths, Junior, Comin' At Ya!, The Boneyard, America, The Rejuvinator.

First Row: Terror on Tour.

Second Row: Cast a Deadly Spell, Balloon Farm.

Third Row: Uninvited, Evil Spirits, Survival Quest.

Fourth Row: Spookies, The Kindred, Blood Beach, Never Too Young to Die


Comment below with what titles you'd like to see us review on the show.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Deathrow Gameshow (1987)

What is the pitch for a show about death row inmates playing for their lives on a game show? What producer has the balls to say, "Hey, what if we take people who are going to die, and give them a chance on a game show to play for their freedom?". It takes care of the prison overpopulation, and it fills the populace's blood lust. It has become a sub-genre of its own over the past few decades with films like 'The Running Man', 'Gamer', 'The Condemned', and 'Death Race' (the remake). They're all action intensive movies, and although black humor comes through the violence; comedies they ain't.

'Deathrow Gameshow' was a title that I had seen in video stores when I was a kid. By the time I was into renting obscure titles many video stores were closing down, or moving to DVD. It's a film that I had been searching for many years to find, and finally got a copy on VHS. That's a lot of hype to see a film about people getting killed on TV, but that VHS cover was imprinted in my brain. I HAD to see this movie. To my surprise upon first viewing it was more a Comedy than a Horror. I mean, sure, a good amount of Cult movies have that over-the-top comedic appeal. 'Deathrow Gameshow' was more alike to the works of the Zucker Brothers with 'Airplane!' or 'The Naked Gun'. Well, it wasn't what I was expecting and that first view was kind of like meeting a long time pen-pal. You have all these great expectations through fantastic conversations, but then find out that they're really off the wall, bat-shit crazy and can only hang out for an hour or so before taking off, because they know they'll overstay their welcome.

America's most popular game show is 'Live or Die' hosted by the charismatic Chuck Toedan. The show is known for its high ratings, and higher moral objection (see what I did there?). Contestants sign a waiver before going on acknowledging that their death could come at any moment. Chuck gets death threats, bomb threats and even threats of sex from crazed fans. OK, that's not so bad but overall it's pretty outrageous.

While promoting 'Live or Die' on a local talk show, he is accosted by Gloria Sternvirgin who is the leader of a local female rights group. I didn't make up that name. They really named her that. Gloria talks about how it's wrong to kill people, but Chuck is quick to remind her that these "contestants" were going to die anyways. He's giving them a chance to live, and their families also receive great prizes if their loved ones die. The two exit the interview, and Gloria confronts Chuck about his horrible lifestyle. Then, suddenly, out of a cliche comes two armed hitmen coming to take his life. Chuck grabs Gloria into the car, and they're off taking out the assailants on their way.

A few years back a mob boss died after he had passed his challenge; The Dance of the Seven Boners. You see, if he got an erection a motion device would trigger his electrocution. Well, he survived the model but it turns out that Chuck's manly touch is what did the boss in. Ever since he's had numerous attempts on his life. Gloria is thought to be in cahoots with Chuck (as is the case with every budding romance in a Cult movie), and is made a target as well. Will these two bite the bullet, or will they make it through to the other side? Find out on 'Deathrow Gameshow'!

Like I said, I was expecting a Horror movie and got a Zucker sytle Comedy. I love stupid, silly movies but was not expecting this. I decided to give the film a second view. After all, the hunt for such a film must return a positive experience, right? Right? Well, yes and no. The film is still pretty bad, but there are spots that are pretty funny. Visual gags like "Slow Children", and the kids are moving slow through a sidewalk always cracks me up. Where the film fails in the comic department is the dialogue. One of the best parts of the early Zucker films is while they have amazing visual gags, they also can write dialogue that makes you really laugh. Most of the jokes here felt forced, and really fell flat.

With a premise like 'Deathrow Gameshow' you would expect some pretty interesting death scenes, but they're really run of the mill. Electrocutions are the most popular, and don't really do much in terms of shock a response out of the viewer. The only real original death is an old lady (case of mistaken identity) runs through an fire themed obstacle course holding two canisters of gasoline. I'd say spoiler alert, but I don't think anyone cares. She makes it to the end, but blows up by a shoddy table with two candles.

'Deathrow Gameshow' was a real bust. I was expecting greatness, and got amateurish buffoonery. The film uses its low budget to its best abilities, but really can't find its ground between Horror and Comedy. The actors read their lines, but I don't believe they are enjoying themselves. Perhaps it's the quest was better than the treasure, but a film like 'Deathrow Gameshow' should make me feel like a winner. Instead I feel like a guy playing on the couch at home.

'Deathrow Gameshow' is available on DVD from Brentwood Home Video, but is currently Out Of Print.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Evan Chimes In: Death Race 2000

Hello, Interweb! I'm Evan, and I love movies. However, I lack the ability to remember a damn thing about 99.9% of all the movies I have ever seen. I haven't seen many old movies at all. I scare easily and don't really enjoy many flicks in the horror genre. I'm assuming that if you are reading this blog then you are a fan of the sorts of movies that Chris reviews here. I haven't seen anything that has been reviewed. Truth is, I'm too scared. Seeing as how I am ignorant when it comes to these sorts of movies, my function here will, hopefully, be to give all the cinephiles a glimpse into what a newcomer to these genres is thinking.

Enough about me. The first movie I will be watching is 'Death Race 2000'. Starring David Carradine and Sylvester Stallone. I actually think I may have borrowed this movie from Chris about a year ago. I'm fairly confident that I watched it, but I can't remember anything about it. Nothing. I'm told it is about a future (presumably the year 2000, so actually more than a decade in the past) where the national sport is a gumball rally style nationwide race where points are awarded for killing pedestrians. That's all I really need to hear. I'm reminded of the kick-ass old computer game Carmageddon. I'm going to go ahead and assume that this movie had some sort of influence on the people ultimately responsible for such a great computer game that consumed quite a bit of my childhood. I owe it to myself, and them, to watch the movie. I have been assured that it is not scary, so I'm game.


'Death Race 2000' is, indeed, about a gumball style trans-continental race in which drivers earn points by "scoring" a pedestrian. The type of pedestrian determines how many points are earned. Children, teenagers, old people, etc... are all worth different amounts of points. The American people seem to be enthralled by the race and show up in droves to the starts of each leg of the race.

The racers taking part in the race are Nero the Hero (played by Martin Kove), a Roman gladiator style combatant with his navigator Cleopatra (Leslie McRay) by his side. Then there is Matilda the Hun (Roberta Collins) a Nazi bomber style combatant with her navigator Herman 'the German' Boch (Fred Grandy). The last of the non-star racers is Calamity Jane (Mary Woronov) a wild-west style combatant and her navigator Pete. Then we get to the all-stars and favorites for this year's race: 'Machine Gun' Joe Viterbo and Frankenstein. Machine Gun Joe is played by Sylvester Stallone and is supposed to resemble a 1930's style gangster. Joe's navigator is Myra (Louisa Moritz). Lastly, there is Frankenstein (David Carradine). Frankenstein is presented as an all-time great in the race having won many times in the past. The name apparently comes from the fact that he has been rebuilt as a semi-bionic racer. We'll get to Frankenstein's navigator in a second.

We learn about Thomasina Paine(Harriet Medin) who leads a rebel group that wants to put an end to the race. Their plot is called 'Operation Anti-Race', which is quite possibly the laziest name for a guerrilla operation. Their plan is to kidnap Frankenstein and spare his life in exchange for the permanent abolition of the race. Frankenstein's navigator is Annie Smith (Simone Griffeth) who is actually Thomasina Paine's great grand-daughter, and begins the race working as a spy. Frankenstein easily sniffs her out, bangs her, and makes her fall in love with him.

All in all the movie was pretty damn entertaining. It's not really my "cup of tea" so to speak, but I could find the humor in places. There were some things that kind of irked me, like the fact that apparently broken legs are instantly fatal. My favorite part was easily when Frankenstein takes off his glove, showing a grenade seemingly grafted to his palm, to which Annie says "Is that a hand grenade?". I love puns.

Everyone but Machine Gun Joe is killed off, in various ways, by the rebels. Machine Gun Joe is finished off by Frankenstein's hand grenade. Frankenstein marries Annie and become Mr. and Mrs. President Frankenstein. The first order of business for President Frankenstein is to abolish the race that made him famous. Way to bite the hand that feeds you.

'Death Race 2000' is currently available on both DVD and Blu-Ray from Shout! Factory.

Overall Rating: 6.5/10