Episode 40 - Wild Beasts (1984)

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Episode 34 - Hellroller (1992)

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Episode 05 - Shreck/The Great Alligator

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Death Nurse (1987)

I've seen and reviewed my share of ridiculous films throughout my time on this earth, but I find that when watching a film shot-on-video (SOV) I tend to be more relaxed with my feelings. While I will always say The Abomination is a wretched film, there is a lot of entertainment to be had with the right inebriation. There's a certain chunk of salt one has to swallow to enjoy these films, and more often than not they're poorly made and convoluted.

At the Shady Palms nursing home, Nurse Edith and her brother Doctor Gordon take care of their patients. They give them beds, offer food, and unnecessary surgery and murder. While more patients are brought in for their "exquisite" care, Edith and Gordon take turns either performing surgery or suffocating, stabbing. Soon though they find themselves with more corpses than they can handle. What are a murderous brother and sister to do?

Death Nurse is a pretty baffling movie. At the staggering 57 minute run time you are thrown into one of the most weirdly edited, shot and acted films ever. Again, that's not saying it's bad, but, well... It's bad. In an enjoyable way, but you're scratching your head as to why most of these decisions were made. Long shots of actors doing nothing. Dream sequences that are never explained, also these sequences were taken from the film Criminally Insane, so they obviously needed the padding.

The acting from Priscilla Alden is spot-on with its awfulness. It's wooden and no awards will be given for her performance, but it's endearing. The "production value" of the film was that of probably one weekend, the director's family/friends, 5 VHS tapes, a Panasonic camcorder and two VCRs for editing. It's cheap and it shows, but it's never serious and allows for organic laughs with the dark humor while everything else in the movie provides the unintentional chuckles.

Death Nurse isn't going to win any awards, but it's a movie to throw on with a group of friends. It's under an hour of your life, and most of us paid to sit through Avatar. That shit was like 3 hours. You could watch Death Nurse, Death Nurse 2 and two episodes of the Simpsons in that time frame and be more entertained that tree sex bullshit.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5 Trash Bags

Death Nurse is available from Slasher // Video, but it is limited to 1,000 units.

Episode 04 - 3:15 (1986)

 

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Trash Pile Picking Tips

I started collecting VHS when I was 6 years old, and while the collecting market booms on internet forums and eBay, I still get a few questions from collectors new to the field. While most pickers may not share their tips, I feel the more the merrier. It increases exposure of the medium, and keeps the format alive. Over the few years that I've been hunting throughout New England I've found a few couple tips that I've wanted to pass on to new collectors, and maybe some tips for those who have been hunting for awhile!

1. General politeness can lead to a better haul:

It seems like a 'duh' thing, but saying things like "please" and "thank you" shows a considerable amount of character, especially with older vendors. Manners show a level of respect that can break down most walls of communication (i.e. negotiating), and can sometimes bring about our next tip.

2. Always ask if they have more, know other collectors or other stores around:

There's been many times I've found a thrift store or Craigslist posting that was a bit of a drive away, and returned empty handed. To try and get the best out of your hunt that day strike up a conversation with the vendor, person, whomever and start asking questions about the area, or maybe how long they've had the tapes. From there they may know more stores, or other collectors who may know and so on.

3. Research:

Going back 20 years ago there was a Mom & Pop video store in every town, sometimes two. Now you'd be hard pressed to find an open one, let alone one that still rents VHS. I've found the best area to start your hunt is around vacation destinations, for instance: In New Hampshire I hunt around ski resorts and the Winnipesaukee region. While you may only find one or two active VHS rental facilities, most stores have sold their stock off to the public.

From there, most VHS will end up at your local Savers, Goodwill or Thrift Store. Then it's off to find nearby flea markets and yard sales. You won't strike gold every time, but this will lead in a good direction.

4. Always be prepared:

While you may never know how many items you could be going home with, it's best to prepare appropriately. Always carry extra tote bags in your car. Whether it's a cheap tote from your local grocer, or one of these Tom Bihn bags like I keep in my car. You never know if a vendor will be out of bags, so it's good to keep extras around.

A bag may not be the only thing you'll need. I keep a notebook in my car to jot down any notes about a particular trip, or if I need to pass my number out for future picks. Having a couple pens and a notebook handy can avoid headaches down the road.

As always be loaded up on:

1. Water
2. Protein snack (jerky, nuts, bar, etc.)
3. CA$H (Plenty of ones, but don't skimp on $5, $10 bills and quarters too)
4. Change of clothes (You may not need it, but not every picking location is Howard Hughes clean.)

5. Clean up after yourself:

Lastly, the most important tip I can give is to clean up after yourself. By that, I mean if you walk into a shop/flea/etc., don't leave the section worse than when you started. Not only does this create more work for the employees, it's also a headache for any other pickers that may happen through your stop.

There has been many trips that have been cut short due to other pickers leaving a mess of the store.

We're not all out there trying to find the rarest of the rare, but when going hunting remember that there are other collectors like you. There's no reason to complicate it for others, so be respectful of not only fellow pickers but the shop owners as well.

Boys Behind Bars (2013)

It's been awhile since I've posted, and to be honest, it's something that has been on my mind. Whether I find a film good or not is irrelevant at the end of the day. As a reviewer I share my biased opinion, and you as the reader choose to accept or deny my statements. Perhaps you've read other reviews of mine, and enjoyed what I've had to say. If so, I thank you. I also appreciate when independent artists submit their material for me to watch.

As is the case with Boys Behind Bars, a shoe-budget pseudo-exploitation film from the U.K. I have a good amount of respect for anyone who can successfully complete, edit and distribute their film. I tried the "complete the film" part and that failed miserably, so to see anyone that has made it through the process impresses me. Now if I enjoy the film is another story.

Boys Behind Bars takes place in the cell of inmate Darrell in an undisclosed jail. We're introduced to Darrell as he's taking a shit into a plastic container, from which he claims a condom containing cocaine. As the scumbag is emptied an alarm sounds in which Darrell finds himself tucking his shit box under his cot. Another inmate by the name of Seth is thrown into Darrell's cell as apparently a riot, or something, has happened on a higher floor. The two come from completely different backgrounds, as Seth yearns to run out his jail time and Darrell has become accustomed to prison life. As the unseen riot progresses on the floors above, another inmate, Lanks, is thrown into the mix. As the three young men converse amongst themselves the alarm sounds a third time, and the fresh fish Nico is thrown into the cell as well. From there tensions and egos come to a head.

I said pseudo-exploitation earlier, and I mean that. That's not a shot on what director Jason Impey has done with Boys Behind Bars, but the movie is far more a character study than a real exploitation film. While the concept of taking the "Women in Prison" plot and changing gender is a very welcome, but I feel that confining the film to one location hindered the strength the story could of had. While the riot may not have been anything more than the catalyst to bring these four characters together, a little more impending doom would have highlighted the tension.

The characters are the same incantations we've seen before in your classic "Women in Prison" films like Vendetta or Red Heat. There is the a-typical leader of the group, the muscle, the person biding their time and the fresh fish. I wasn't expecting anything different, but my issue with the film comes in only the actor of Gavin Jackson, who played Lanks. Not until the near end of the film I didn't really buy any of his performance, and wasn't until he became violent that the role lifted. Again, not bad by any means, but it seems that the actor really didn't come into his own until later in the process.

Speaking of process, it seems that Boys Behind Bars was filmed within a 6-hour period, so most of my criticism has to be taken in stride. Given the limited time frame what was accomplished, Boys Behind Bars is rather strong, but it feels as if more time should have been spent with the actors to solidify their characters. Wade Radford (who also came up with the idea behind the film) really felt like he knew how to portray Darrel, and as the focal point of the film it helped that Wade's performance was as strong as it was.

Boys Behind Bars may not be something to radically change any genres, but even a few days after watching it the film has stayed with me. What director Jason Impey finished in 6-hours, with the help of a limited cast and crew, shows that anyone can make a movie, even with limited resources.

Boys Behind Bars is on DVD via Amazon. 

Rating: 3 out of 5 Trash Bags

V/H/S 2 (2013)

Since 'The Blair Witch Project' broke box office records back in 1999 it seems like everyone under the sun has tried to put their own spin on the found footage sub-genre. From zombies and ghosts to Sasquatch and Nessie; pretty much every producer could put in a little financial backing and receive a pretty solid ROI.  The truth is that most of these films were shoddily put together with little foundation of creating an entertaining film.

Last year, horror website Bloody Disgusting ventured into the original film department with their horror anthology release, 'V/H/S'. The film fared rather well in terms of audiences and critics, so inevitably a sequel would manifest itself in no time. I enjoy the first film immensely as it was a fresh take on the tired found footage formula, but I did have my issues with the film. The wraparound story of the group of men trying to search for a wanted tape was the first films biggest downfall, as the acting and characters weren't anything to envelop the stories in-between. The other issue, as with any anthology movie, is that you're going to be left with films you really like, maybe some you're impartial to, and others that you just didn't care for at all. A lot of people didn't seem to enjoy the Ti West offering in the last installment, but I enjoy a slow burn.

As with the previous 'VHS' film, the sequel starts off with a wraparound story to envelop the found footage horrors. This time round we follow a group of private investigators who are sent to find a woman's missing son. As they enter the apartment, they find TV sets stacked in a wall with dozens of VCRs and tapes haphazardly strewn about the room. As one investigator goes searching through the house, the other starts looking through the man's tape collection.

Now here is where I should provide details of all the tapes that are viewed, but that would take away from the fun of the film. Each of the four stories are so different, but compliment each other rather smoothly. The basic premise for the films are: Ghosts ('Clinical Trials'), Zombies ('A Ride in the Park'), a cult ('Safe Haven') and an alien abduction ('Slumber Party Alien Abduction'). Whereas the first film had a few mediocre segments this sequel finds all the right beats from the first one, and amplifies them to the umptenth degree. Laughs, gore and atmosphere are all present in each segment, and the crowd I saw it with was laughing and screaming the entire time.

Honestly, I'm pretty hard pressed to find any issues with 'VHS 2'. It was exactly what I wanted from a sequel, and had a great sense of fun with each offering. The directors involved all did a wonderful job of staying within the horror genre, but allowing for comedic elements to ring throughout to offset the violence and scares. I don't even have a favorite segment, but if there was one that the audience seemed to respond to the most it was Gareth Evans 'Safe Haven'. This is the gentlemen who directed last years fantastic 'The Raid'.

While found footage may not have been reinvented with 'VHS 2', it certainly was well crafted in how to entertain an audience. For whatever faults there may have been in the previous installment, all have been eradicated with this new outing. The best thing about a budding franchise like 'VHS' is that it's a venue for up and coming directors to showcase their talents in a condensed form. They can churn out one a year like any other horror franchise, but the difference here is that we'll never see the same movie twice.

'VHS 2' will be released by Magnet Releasing on VOD July 6th with a limited theatrical run July 12th.

Rating: 5 out of 5 Trash Bags

Interview: 'Adjust Your Tracking' Co-Director Dan Kinem

As huge supporters of independent artists we here at The Trash Pile hope to provide new films for our readers. We're thankful today to bring you an interview with the co-director of 'Adjust Your Tracking: The Untold Story of the VHS Collector'. ' Adjust Your Tracking' is a documentary that looks into the lives of fans that collect home video.

Trash Pile: As a lifelong collector of VHS it’s great to see a documentary covering our fan base. What was your decision to do a documentary as opposed to, let’s say, a narrative feature?

Dan: Well, through collecting I was meeting and talking to so many interesting characters that a documentary just seemed like a logical step. I knew the fans of VHS could hold a feature-length film and be interesting enough, funny enough, and compelling enough without having to turn them into actual characters for a narrative feature. Though I do have many ideas for horror films and comedies involving VHS collectors that I think would be priceless...

Do you remember what your first VHS was?

I know what my first VHS was when I realized I was actually collecting. It was Birds II: Land's End, the made-for-TV sequel to Hitchcock's masterpiece. It was one of the worst movies ever but also a movie I realized was unlikely to ever be released on DVD and an interesting part of film history. Then I just started buying up everything I could that never was released and it moved from there. As far as movies I remember watching on VHS religiously as a kid that would have to be Tremors, Puppet Master, Home Alone, Fiddler on the Roof, Alive, and Star Wars.

Why do you think the format has lived on for so long after its death?

Well, despite not having a commercial release in a pretty long time I feel like it never truly died. As long as there are great or interesting works of art that can only be viewed on VHS it will never be dead. I still have teachers at school show videos on VHS, I still screen movies for friends and family on VHS (either because that's the only way to get it or because that's the way it was intended to be seen, like in the case of a direct-to-video or SOV film), and I still buy VHS. I don't think it will ever actually die.

Where did you travel in making ‘Adjust Your Tracking’?

Man, where didn't we travel? That was the most insane and fun trip I've ever been on. We literally went in a giant circle around the whole country collecting interviews with VHS collectors and hunting for VHS. It was the most physically demanding trip but definitely the most rewarding. We went through Ohio, to Chicago, to MN, all the way across the top of the country through Montana to Seattle, down the west coast, then swooped around to Texas, then all through the south, and rounded it all the way back up to NYC. We collected over 100 interviews and thousands of hours worth of footage. And that was just one of the trips we made while filming!

As a VHS fanatic I’ve traveled to flea markets, thrift stores, etc. What were some of the crazy adventures you heard from some collectors.

Well, without spoiling any of the stories found in the film, as crazy as it may sound, we heard multiple near-death experiences involving hunting for tapes. We heard stories that will get everybody's blood pumping and heart racing, whether they are VHS collectors or not.

In a lot of ways VHS collecting has become very similar to collecting vinyl records. Do you think the collecting market will continue to grow as it has?

Yes, I do. I see it every single day. There are new people who decide to start collecting VHS daily and I hope this documentary will push that number up even more. The goal of the film is to give a glimpse into the world of the people who still cherish what many still call a dead format, but it also works as a little nudge to people who might not look at VHS when they are shopping at a thrift store or a yard sale and says, "Stop and look at those tapes, you never know what amazing shit you might find!"

How long did the project take from fruition to completion?

Well, as of doing this interview it has actually been two full years to the month. Our first interviews were shot April of 2011 and the early beginnings of doing the documentary were in March 2011.

What are your plans for release? Will you be doing the festival circuit?

We hope to tour the film around the country and play it all over the place. We have a couple screenings set up so far which can be seen on our Facebook page (link below). We are also going to be submitting it to some festivals and attempting to set up some foreign screenings as well. As far as the release goes, possibly an early 2014 release on VHS and DVD is a goal.

In the day and age of HD and digital media it’s hard for most people to understand why people still collect formats like VHS and vinyl. How would you explain to a non-collector why they should watch your film?

To a non-collector I'd tell them they should watch Adjust Your Tracking because you need to see the highly enthusiastic, sometimes insane, subculture of VHS collectors. There's nothing like them anywhere else and if anything, this will appeal to non-collectors even more because it will give them an inside look into a crazy world they know nothing about. Beyond that, however, no matter your age your first memories of watching movies are on VHS and that should never be forgotten. Those are some of the most fun memories that people have about film and watching Adjust Your Tracking will take you back to that.

Lastly I just want to say thank you for bringing light to our crazy little world of collecting. Any last comments you’d like to share?

Well, I want everyone to go "like" the Facebook page (http://facebook.com/adjustyourtracking) and for everyone to tell your friends. Post about the film on your blogs, websites, etc. Do you have a magazine or write for one? Hit me up for an interview. My goal as of right now is to get as many people as humanly possible to know the name Adjust Your Tracking and to get excited to see it. What I put everything I have into is finally finished and I couldn't be more excited for people to finally be able to see it.

Death Kappa (2010)

The execution of a proper parody is a difficult thing to accomplish. You have to be able to break the fourth wall with your knowledge of the genre shortcomings, while continuing to push the original story ahead. Too many times, we are bombarded with nonsensical pop-culture references that are supposed to represent plot and character development. That's why well loved spoof movies are few and far between.

Kaiju films have been lampooned forever, and, as described above, few are any good. The interesting thing about 'Death Kappa' is that while it was made in Japan, it has all the features of an American edit of a classic Kaiju film. Bad dubbing, special effects and incoherent plot points are only some of the aspects of 'Death Kappa' that are hamming it up.

In Japanese folklore, a Kappa is a mischievous goblin creature who happens to eat cucumbers (hence, Kappa Roll), and loves Sumo wrestling. This is all described in the beginning of the film by an American man with a Japanese name and accent. It sets the comedic tone for the film right off the bat.

'Death Kappa' tells the story of a Japanese pop-star who just couldn't hack it in the busy world of Tokyo, and moves back to the country to be with her one remaining family member, her grandmother. While taking the train back to her home town, the film is interjected with shots of  her grandmother walking with a basket of cucumbers and a group of rambunctious teenagers drinking and driving. Suddenly, out of a cliche, the grandmother is hit by the group of teenagers who speed off, and knock the remains of a petrified Kappa into the ocean (note: the "ocean" was represented by a fish tank).

The Kappa springs to life and dances around with the pop-star and her friends. All the while, a menacing creature is lurking on the beaches killing all in its wake. As the Kappa becomes friendly and dances to the star's music, a menacing figure is lurking around the corner. Are these two connected? What will happen to the Kappa and his friends? Where are the giant monster fights?!

Out of the last two questions presented only one matters:  giant monster fights. The film took the route of parodying two styles of Kaiju films: the family friendly and the classic monster vs monster. What I find to be the issue with 'Death Kappa' is that we are essentially given two separate movies that have to be judged as one. 'Death Kappa' is broken down into three parts: Family Film, Mad Scientist Film and Giant Monster Film. Each one handled differently in terms of what material is being poked fun at, but the jokes are just too forced and stale. From poorly written dialogue to cheesy computer effects, we're trying so hard to follow the story that the jokes are just pelted at us like a monkey throwing its shit.

It feels like the filmmakers really did have an appreciation for the giant monster movies of yesteryear, but with the face paced editing, it made the film feel too modern. The dubbing was atrocious, and it felt too much like the wooden acting was intentional. Sometimes it works, but mostly when the films weren't trying to be funny. The plus sides of 'Death Kappa' though are the costume and set design, which felt very much like a Kaiju film. Solid sculpting works on the monster bodysuits was a fine piece of eye candy, while your brain suffered through the plot.

At the end of the day though 'Death Kappa' is going to be a love it or hate it type of experience. There are a few laughs here or there, but I honestly felt like I was suffering through a lot of it. By the time the monster actually did make an appearance I had already checked out. It's not going to be remembered for anything other than a throwaway parody.

'Death Kappa' is available on Blu-Ray and DVD from Tokyo Shock.

Rating: 2 out of 5 Trash Bags

IMDB Page

Amazon Page

A Visual Schedule

Here's the selection of films we will be reviewing over the next several months.

First Row: SeedPeople, The Ladies Club, The Sender, Chained Heat, Sky Pirates, Death Machine, Night of the Scarecrow, Mutant.

Second Row: Prisoners of the Lost Universe, Angel, McGinsey's Island, Red Heat, Avenging Force, Unmasked Part 25, RawHead Rex.

Third Row: The Dirt Bike Kid, Fast Food, Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks, SpellCaster, Vice Academy 2, The Brain.

 

First Row: Making Contact, The New Adventures of Pipi Longstocking, Night of the Demon, Ticks, Brain Damage, Silent Night Deadly Night Special (1-5).

Second Row: Damned River, The Kiss, Black Evil, Mortuary, Godzilla vs. Biollante, Carnosaur Special (1-3), The Deadly Spawn/Metamorphosis, Maniac Cop Special (1-3).

Third Row: Creepers, Bad Channels, Demon Wind, The Offspring, The Legend of Blood Castle, Head of the Family, Lifeforce, Murder in Space, China Girl, The Lightening Incident.

Fourth Row: The Manitour, Mirror Mirror, Rest in Pieces, Up From the Depths, Junior, Comin' At Ya!, The Boneyard, America, The Rejuvinator.

 

First Row: Terror on Tour.

Second Row: Cast a Deadly Spell, Balloon Farm.

Third Row: Uninvited, Evil Spirits, Survival Quest.

Fourth Row: Spookies, The Kindred, Blood Beach, Never Too Young to Die

 

Comment below with what titles you'd like to see us review on the show.

Trash Pile Top 10: Horror Posters

We as Horror fans are often drawn to films by their artwork. The physical representation of the media more often than not is better than the film. If the movie art was just a steaming pile of shit, and it had the title 'The Abomination' you probably you wouldn't rent it. However, as you can read in my review, a lot of the times the cover will lure you in.

Regardless of the films quality their art was what studios used  to sell the film. If 'Blood Beach' didn't have the fantastic poster to accompany it perhaps it wouldn't be as fondly remembered by those of the video rental era.

To compile a list of the 10 best posters is a tall order. Throughout the decades of filmmaking   there have been thousands of fantastic posters, especially in genre films. From 50's  Creature Features to 80's Slashers, I'll do my best  to cover my favorites from everything.

10. Q - The Winged Serpent (1982) Director: Larry Cohen

As a film 'Q' isn't one of my favorite Larry Cohen features (that goes to 'The Stuff'), but the poster featured above is a phenomenal example of how to sell a movie.

9. A Tale of Two Sisters (2003) Director: Jee-woon Kim

This is an example of when a poster truly captures a film. It is both haunting, and beautiful. Exactly what 'A Tale of Two Sisters' turns out to be in an exemplary tale of family horror.

8. Frogs (1972) Director: George McCowan

It's a movie poster that features a frog with a human hand sticking out of its mouth. Why would you not want to watch that movie?

7. House (1986) Director: Steve Miner

The simplicity in the poster for 'House' is that the basic image of a severed hand ringing a doorbell is so well drawn. Seeing the individual nerves, and the shading on the bone is phenomenal. 

6. I Spit on Your Grave (1978) Director: Meir Zarchi

As with most exploitation films, 'I Spit on Your Grave'  has a very eye-grabbing poster. With text exploding off the page to grab the viewer you're left with the brutal imagery of a woman yielding a knife who has obviously been through some shit. 

5. Creature from the Black Lagoon (1954) Director: Jack Arnold

While more people tend to think of 'Frankenstein' or 'Dracula' as the more famous Universal Monsters, there's something about the Gillman. The poster is amazingly drawn, giving movement to Julia Adams' hair, and the oncoming rescue attempt by our films heroes. 

4.  Happy Birthday to Me (1981) Director: J. Lee Thompson

One of the best Slasher posters of all time. Captures the silliness of the film while the text makes you want to see how "bizarre" these murders really will be.

3.  Jaws (1975) Director: Steven Spielberg

One of the most iconic posters of all time. The speed of the shark approaching the swimmer already adds fear just looking at the poster. A great representation of the film.

2. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986) Director: Tobe Hooper

You have to applaud Tobe Hooper and his crew for this hysterical duplication of the iconic 'Breakfast Club' pose. 

1. A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors (1987) Director: Chuck Russell

Not only is 'Dream Warriors' my favorite installment in the Nightmare on Elm Street series, it also happens to be my favorite poster of all time. From the colors to the setting to the imagery, I honestly don't think you can get much better than this. 

There are hundreds of other great posters out there, and these are only a select few. As always thanks for reading, and please check out The Trash Pile TV show airing on blogTV every Tuesday at 10:00pm

Trash Pile Love Notes: Cannibal Holocaust

There are some films that people choose to never see. Whether it's because of the violence, content or creative teams behind the films, many audiences avoid certain movies like the plague. Recently, we've seen this with films like the expanding 'Human Centipede' franchise, and the controversial 'A Serbian Film.' We hear these rumors of films so foul that they not only disgust you, but really make you hate yourself after. Sounds like exploitation to me.

When I was 13, I used to visit comic conventions around the Boston area. Back in the early 2000's, it was really the only place to find unreleased workprints and other hard to find movies. Soon I began going to conventions to find new movies, as opposed to rounding out my comic collection. Every type of movie was at a young gorehound's disposal for the "low" price of $10 for a bootlegged VHS. I was ecstatic at finding a new film that I had not seen before, but one film changed the way I would look at movies forever: Ruggero Deodato's 'Cannibal Holocaust'.

Sitting in my friend's basement, way too cracked out on caffeine and pot, we watched about 4 of the 8 films we picked up that weekend. It was the first time I saw the bat-shit crazy 'Meet the Feebles', the X-Rated 'Robocop', and, if memory serves correctly, the version of 'Little Shop of Horrors' with the alternate EVERYONE DIES ending. I enjoy all of these films for different reasons, but I had never seen anything like 'Cannibal Holocaust'. Nothing really prepares you for the carnage of a group of filmmakers destroying, raping and killing natives to beef up their documentary. It's baffling that a film with so few likable characters resonates so heavily, but it's in the way the film is constructed that makes it so memorable.

The very first piece to cover on 'Cannibal Holocaust' is how amazing the cinematography of Sergio D'Offinzi is. His work captures a beauty that the plot of the film cannot. The amazonian landscape is shot in a way that feels like a nature documentary, but when matched with the gut-wrenching visuals involving the cast, compliments it rather nicely. There are very few moments that feel like the found footage of the lost documentary crew is fake. Everything looks so genuine that I can understand why Deodato was sequestered to court on the allegations that he killed his cast. If you've convinced the Italian government that you've committed atrocities towards humans, then you must have made an impactful film.

With that comes the conversation of animal violence, which is very real. I do not endorse animal cruelty in the slightest, although I'm going to throw my cat out the window if she's scratches my VHS again. The animals that were sacrificed to the movie gods were also consumed afterwords by the cast and local tribes people. No animal, except maybe the spider (which I'm fine with. I hate those things) was put to waste. I'm sure if you're trekking through the jungle, some barbecued turtle would sound mighty tempting. Condemn it all you want, but it's there for a purpose. If the animal cruelty is something that you don't think you can stomach? Fine. Either don't watch the movie, or look away at those parts. Remember 'It's just a movie'.

The score is another phenomenal piece of what makes 'Cannibal Holocaust' such an amazing film. Riz Ortolani composes such a hauntingly uplifting score that it battles against the gruesome images that Deodato orchestrates. The main theme is one that really stays with you after your initial viewing, with its cheery synth and acoustic guitar. It's one of the scores that when you first see the film might seem out of place, but it really heightens the horror of the action.

Another thing that really makes 'Cannibal Holocaust' stand above most other exploitation films is the message that the film is trying to press. It may seem heavy handed that the real monsters are the ones behind the camera, but it has become more true since the film was originally released. The documentary crew who ventures in the Amazon had always beefed up their previous efforts by faking the events that were happening, or paying armies to execute civilians. Deodato used this as an allegory for the way news outlets world wide would sell violence if it meant ratings. The message rings truer today with the advent of reality television. Violence of all types equals more money for sponsors and TV stations. How long until 'The Running Man' becomes an actual show?

After a recent screening at The Coolidge Corner Theater in Brookline Massachusetts, I was brought back to when a I first saw 'Cannibal Holocaust' almost 15 years ago. Seeing it in 35mm was like seeing it for the first time, and I was also able to bring some new viewers along for the ride. They had heard of the film, but for whatever reasons had decided to not see it. Afterwords they both remarked at how much they really liked the movie. There is a preconception with exploitation and grindhouse films that there is some inherit camp value to the productions, and most of the time that's right. 'Cannibal Holocaust' is not a campy film, nor is it one that is for mainstream audiences. Every found footage film owes a little piece of their creation to this groundbreaking film, and while no academy will ever declare 'Cannibal Holocaust' a Best Picture candidate, the impact of this little exploitation film will be forever imbedded in cinema history.

**No animals were harmed in the writing of this article.**

Cannibal Holocaust from Amazon

The Divide (2011)

It's hard sometimes, as a fan of shitty movies, to say that you love shitty movies. When you say you love films like 'Shawshank Redemption' or 'Jaws' most people agree with you. They're well crafted films with great characters, direction, scoring, and almost every other quality most people associate with "good" movies. On the other hand when you tell people you love movies like 'Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry' and 'The Toxic Avenger' people tend to respond "you like that crap?", or "what the hell is that?". It's hard to make recommendations to people when they know you like awful movies.

Xavier Gens' 'The Divide' was a film on a lot of "Best Of 2011" lists, and for those who don't attend film festivals, it was near impossible to see. Thankfully, Anchor Bay Entertainment picked up the rights to this film and put it out for a limited release this last weekend. I caught a midnight screening at The Coolidge in Brookline, MA this past weekend, and I was finally able to see what many critics hailed about.

'The Divide' opens as nuclear missiles fall upon New York City. Residents in a near by apartment complex scurry as the debris from the explosions threatens to bring their building down. Eva (Lauren German) and Sam (Iván González) move down flights of stairs as they pass numerous people screaming for their lives. While a mob gathers at the front entrance another bomb crashes into a near by building, causing the people to disband. A small group of people run towards the basement, where superintendent Mickey (Michael Biehn) has built a bomb shelter. Resisting the group at first, they finally push Mickey out of the way to safety inside. Another group of people come rushing towards the door as Mickey slams it shut, and locks the survivors away from the devastation above.

I could continue on with the story, but anything further than that really takes away the impact of what unfolds. It's not really a Horror movie, nor Science Fiction, or a Thriller but one that works within multiple genres to keep the film moving at a good clip. Many reviewers have cited the film as being bleak, but shit, I mean it's about a nuclear attack. Could there really be many positive outcomes? 'The Divide' is a film that really shines through that bleakness to allow for really captivating performances from the entire cast. This is a film where I found myself glued to the screen at the actions of everyone involved. Seeing their bodies deteriorate from the lack of water and food really gave legitimacy to the story.

There were very few things about 'The Divide' that I didn't like to be honest, but I have the say the score was just ok. What I found particularly annoying about the score was the constant loud droning synth. It was like a 311 song over a David Cronenberg movie; just doesn't combine well. The acting was superb, the cinematography was brilliant, and with the exception of some questionable CGI, the effects were awesome. This is a film that falls out of the norm with what I tend to review on this site, but I cannot endorse 'The Divide' highly enough. It's not a happy film. Nor one that will have an uplifting ending, but it will stick with you. The great performances from Michael Biehn, Lauren German, Milo Ventimiglia and Rosanna Arquette will heighten the tension of those who are forced to survive through horrific conditions.

'The Divide' is currently in limited release from Anchor Bay Entertainment. If you can find it at a local theater I suggest spending your money on a well done original film. Something that we need in this age of remakes, sequels and board game cash-ins.

Rating: 4 1/2 out of 5 Trash Bags.

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The Abomination (1986)

One of the best/worst things to come out of the VHS boom of the 1980's was the advent of movies Shot on Video (SOV). Independent filmmakers with access to a camcorder would churn out all sorts of genre fare that studios wouldn't produce. It's pretty shitty when you think about it, but you have to go out on your own if you want to make your film. The sad universal truth is that most studios wouldn't touch these movies "with a ten meter cattle prod", to quote Ray Stantz.

SOV Horror movies might be god awful, but that's not to say there isn't a charm to them. While the script and direction are often deplorable, the cinema style of Ed Wood comes to mind. Believing in your story, regardless of what little talent you have. Such is the case with the film 'The Abomination'. I had been exposed to SOV movies for some time now as I had viewed 'Redneck Zombies' and 'Dead Next Door' many times in my youth, but this was a title that hadn't come across my radar. Then I saw copies of the VHS selling on eBay for around or over $100, and wanted to know why the hell this movie was so sought after? Was it some sort of lost gem of the SOV horror genre? Then I got a DVD-r at a Horror convention. Then I found out why they named it.

The film starts out showing all the violent moments that you're going to witness during the opening credits. I guess this was so that we wouldn't have to sit through this awful film. After about 4 minutes of repeated scenes we are thrown into the world of Cody Lee, who is having a lot of problems with his mother. Apparently the doctors say she has a tumor in her lung, and it is inoperable, but she hasn't given up hope. She turns to Brother Frogg, a televangelist who promises to heal those who send in their social security checks. After she places her hand on the TV set during a prayer, she violently coughs up a bloody chunk the size of a biscuit. Saying hallelujah she throws the disgusting heap in the trash, but only to have it grow in size.

Cody comes home after driving around with his friends, for what appears to be 5 hours and goes to bed. The tumor then springs to life, and climbs its way into Cody's sleeping mouth. Cody then starts feeling strange, and discovers that the tumor is some type of monster who devours humans whole. As the tumor starts to multiply Cody must feed the beasts, and let the abomination take over the world!

The one thing that you have to really admire about these independent productions is that they have original stories. That tends to be the only thing to really admire as the acting, direction, script and almost everything else is offensive. It sounds like that they couldn't record any audio while they were filming, so they decided to record the audio in someone's shower. It's louder than a Manowar concert, and the mix is just terrible. It's this that really makes the dialogue hysterical. No actor, a term I use loosely, could act their way out of a paper bag, let alone carry a film. Then, there is the notion that Cody is talking to a psychiatrist at some point during the film, but then it's never revealed who he's talking to, if anyone. Then there is a 4-minute run time of a biblical quote about the abomination. It starts to really cause a migraine after the first minute.

For those of us who just want to see the gore in the movie, well, I'd honestly say find a way to watch the film for that alone. The effects are memorable in their creativity, but overall the film is a fucking shit show. Running all over the place in terms of pacing, acting and direction. The editing choices are mind boggling, but if you're in the mood for one awful fucking movie, then seek out 'The Abomination'.

'The Abomination' is available on VHS from Donna Michelle Productions, but good fucking luck trying to find it. eBay is the best option, but, like I said you're going to have to pay for it. It's best to find a site that distributes DVD-r versions of OOP movies, and shell out $10 instead of $100. Even then, it's probably not worth it unless you're dying to see it.

Rating: 1 1/2 out of 5 Trash Bags

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Slugs (1988)

If there's one thing to learn from Steven Spielberg's 'Jaws' it's that producers love to steal ideas. The amount of giant killer animal, and nature takes revenge films that came out after the summer of '75 is absurd. There are some stellar examples of films that understood what their "stories" were, and tried to make the best of it.

As is the case with any sub-genre you're often left with more bad than good. For every 'Orca' there's 'Up From the Depths' and 'Claws'. For every 'Birds' there's 'Frogs' and 'Day of the Animal'. It's a viscous shit cycle, but man do I love me some shitty movies. If you're thinking that the movie 'Slugs' can't really be about giant killer slugs, well, you're right. These are just your ordinary garden slugs, but with one exception; they crave human flesh!

In a small town, like every other horror film, a couple goes out on a boat in the middle of a lake. Suddenly the boy gets pulled into the water by an unseen force. The girl laughs as she thinks it's a prank, but little does she know that her boyfriend is being devoured alive by toxic slugs! She screams as a blood pool floats to the surface.

Town Health Inspector Mike Brady is apparently also the town sheriff, as he goes out to every emergency situation in the entire town. People are dying left and right all in bizarre fashion, and there are always slimy slugs at the scene. Mike takes a live slug to his friend, who happens to be a chemist, or biologist type scientist. Apparently these slugs have been feeding off of toxic chemicals and now have developed an insatiable taste for warm flesh! I could go on, but I highly doubt a movie about killer, man-eating slugs needs much of a plot.

Like many other films on this website, this was a VHS cover I had seen in every video store in the early '90s. I mean shit, look at that cover. That guy has had the rest of him devoured by slugs, and he's still screaming as they devour the rest of his face. That has "Rent Me" plastered all over it. The first time I got around to seeing this film I was shocked to find out that it was a Spanish/American production, and with that, some hysterical dubbing. The acting in this film, regardless of the performer's nationality, is bottom of the barrel. Some real cringe inducing dialogue allows for some real unintentional hilarity.

If you've seen director Juan Piquer's 'Pieces', then you should know the gore factor is at 11. The situations where the characters die are fucking priceless. There's a couple having sex, and then the girl falls off the bed to be eaten alive by the titular slugs. Then the guy falls to his death. We also see a guy whose digested some slug to have a collection of blood worms spew from his eyes while his face melts off. It's one of those times you know if they remade this film that all these effects would be CGI, and that makes me a sad panda. The highlight of the film though is when Mike has to kill all of the slugs, and blows them up in the methane filled sewer beneath the city. Then the town proceeds to blow up killing dozens of unnamed citizens in the explosion.

'Slugs' is one of the pinnacles of bad movies. The dialogue, acting and premise are fucking awful. I mean seriously? Killer slugs? However, if you're like me you live for these ridiculous violent horror movies you'll probably find a lot to enjoy in 'Slugs'.

'Slugs' available on DVD from Image Entertainment.

Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5 Trash Bags

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Necropolis (1987)

When Jason and I were walking through a video store, we find a label on a film proclaiming that:

"Warning: This film contains scenes of adult matter and/or graphic violence. No one under the age of 18 may view this film. No exceptions!!!!!"

You would think that it would be a violent, or hyper-sexed film. That warning just screams to rent the film if you're looking for a cheap thrill, or to fulfill your blood lust. That's the type of movie that you'd try to rent when you're 13. I've seen similar labels on films like 'Caligula', 'Toxic Avenger', and 'The Babysitters Club'.

It is pretty impossible to find a movie rental establishment in 2011. However there is one place that is independently owned, and still renting (!) VHS and DVD. Hollywood Express on Mass Ave in Cambridge, Ma has a collection of films ranging from obscure '80s STV (Straight-To-Video), or hard to find classics on VHS. Hollywood Express will be getting a good amount of money from me while I exploit their collection.

Looking for films that I missed during the VHS boom, I came across 'Necropolis' at the video store. This has been a title that has been on my radar for some time, but due to limited availability (only available on VHS) it has been hell tracking this title down. Then, when noting the warning label mentioned above I knew this was a film tailored towards my tastes. Turns out it was one of the worst movies I've seen in some time, but of course one of the funniest.

Old New York was once New Amsterdam. I'm not sure why they changed it; guess they liked it better that way. During the late 1600's a witch named Miss Eva is trying to secure the soul of a young virgin, who happens to be getting married at the precise moment of the Miss Eva's ceremony. It's never really mentioned why Miss Eva has chosen this woman for her soul, but I'm guessing her credit score was better. Or a virgin, better go with virgin. Miss Eva succeeds in killing the woman, but is apparently killed? I say apparently because suddenly the film jumps ahead 300 years, and now she has a motorcycle.

Miss Eva wants a ring that was used in the ceremony. We're not told what the ring is for. She just needs to find it. It has ended up in the hands of a local magic shop proprietor, but the ring has been sold. The shop keep won't say who, but Miss Eva uses his fear of going deaf to torture the answer out of him. She promises to spare his life, and when he gives up the buyer she kills him anyway. She is on the way to a local preacher, who just happens to be the slave from earlier in the film.

The preacher works to help teens get off of drugs, and that's exactly where Miss Eva goes; however there is not a transition scene from the magic shop. Actually, we never really heard the name of the buyer clearly from the shop owner. Now at the youth center Miss Eva tries to seduce the ring out the preacher, but she fails causing her to have a child-like tantrum in the men's bathroom. With that, she's off to another location with no explanation as to what the fuck is going on in this movie. She's now trying to find the couple, who were reincarnated like every other character in this fucking movie, and steal their soul for Satan!

This is one of the most incoherent movies I've ever seen. We go from scene to scene with no transition. After Miss Eva kills a suicide patient at the Rehabilitation Center, she just is suddenly on her motorcycle in the next scene. She wanted the keys to the preacher's safe, but we're to assume that she got it? Then, the male lead walks in front of the magic shop; looking in the window. Then, the next scene is him walking through a beaded curtain to the backroom. What the hell? Is he like Kitty Pride? He can just walk through walls?

The acting is beyond hysterical. Lines are melodramatically over-the-top, and there isn't one actor or actress that has worked through a paper bag. The male lead looks like Al Pacino and Scott Baio had a lovechild, but his fake tough-guy, don't believe in the supernatural, bad cop persona is just lovable. Then there's the witch, Miss Eva. Sure, they wanted to make her this leather-clad biker chick, but it just looks like she got out of an unsuccessful groupie run at the band Poison.

Of course I love bad movies, but this was a tough one. The best scene in the entire damned movie is when Miss Eva grows 6 breasts to feed her demon clan. It's so bizarre, so hysterical that it gives the movie something to remember it by. Other than that Jason and I found ourselves just laughing at the continuity errors, like when the suicidal patient kills himself, he is slumped over in the chair. However when the police come to investigate the scene he is face down on the desk. This is as close to bottom of the barrel as it gets, but it has that '80s charm. With practical effects, and cheesy dialogue the film is not so bad it's good, but so bad it's tolerable. Like babysitting Dennis the Menace.

'Necropolis' is currently only on VHS from Lighting Pictures. The rights are probably buried under Lions Gate Entertainment's back catalog. Perhaps for the best.

*UPDATE* - 'Necropolis' has been released by Full Moon on DVD. You can pick it up over at Amazon for $9.99

Rating: 2 out of 5 Trash Bags

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Trash Pile Top 10: Slasher Deaths

I can't speak for the masses, but there is one main reason I enjoy the Slasher sub-genre; the inventive new methods of disposing victims. There are really only seven to ten different plots in a Slasher film, so that will deter most viewers. The actors are in their late twenties to thirties playing teens, and normally have similar acting range. With that you're left with the special effects, and man oh man do (most) Slasher films bring the latex to the table.

It's hard to pick only ten kills that I find the best. There are many quality moments of carnage, but ten? Well, I'm going to give it a shot.

10. Silent Night, Deadly Night (1985) - Toboggan From Hell
There are so many fantastic moments in 'Silent Night, Deadly Night', but this was one of the best for me. These two kids steal this sled from another group of kids, and they proceed to sled the hill. Little do they know that Billy is going around dressed as Santa killing anyone who he deems naughty. These two hoodlums have an axe awaiting them.



9. Halloween (1978) - Hung Up to Dry
John Carpenter's 'Halloween' is one of the staples of Slasher history. While it wasn't the first to be released, it was the first box office success. By today's standards the death scenes seem tame, Bob's death is iconic. All he wanted to do was get a beer, and ends up getting stabbed in the gut.



8. Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers (1988) - Drugs can kill
The 'Sleepaway Camp' series is one of my favorites. The original has one of the best twist endings of all time, but I love how over-the-top the sequels are. The one liners by the killer, Angela, are some of the funniest in Slasher history. This particular death involves two drugged up sisters who are about to burn up one last time. These puns write themselves, I'm serious.



7. Hatchet (2006) - That's one way to loose your head
Adam Green's 'Hatchet' is one of my favorite horror films of the last few years. I also loved the sequel, maybe more so than the first. The death of the Jim and Shannon Permatteo is phenomenal, and then you see the tongue waggling in the aftermath. Adam Green really knows how to execute his death scenes with hysterical precision.



6. Friday the 13th Part 7: The New Blood (1988) - Tree Hugging Camper
I love the Friday the 13th series, so it was really hard to come up with just one to put on this list. However, this girl getting slammed into the a tree in her sleeping bag is one of the most brutal, especially the clip shown below, which is in it's uncut form. 'New Blood' was butchered by the MPAA, and apparently Paramount has lost the minutes (!) of deleted gore footage. Here's hoping it's discovered like the 'My Bloody Valentine' footage was back in 2009.



5. Twitch of the Death Nerve (1971) - Speared for Your Pleasure
Outside of Alfred Hitchcock's 'Psycho' and H.G. Lewis's 'Blood Feast', Mario Bava's 'Twitch of the Death Nerve' is one of the first true slashers. The film tells the tale of a crazed family trying to off one another in gruesome ways to inherit the fortune of a dead relative. The film doesn't hold back, and like many Italian Horror films is very graphic. The death of Duke and Denise may be familiar to some as the same exact death was lifted for 'Friday the 13th Part 2'. The clip below shows the death prior, and then the double impalement.



4. A Nightmare on Elm St. (1984) - Well, that's one way to hit the sheets.
Freddy Krueger has always been one of my favorite slashers since I was a kid. I enjoy all of the films in the series ('Dream Warriors' is my favorite), but Glen's (Johnny Depp) death in the original is by far and away one of the most shocking in the series. Not only does this genuinely good guy get killed, he is apparently shredded to death and his remains are spewed from his bed. Then his parents walk in.

Glen's Death on YouTube (New Line has requested no embedding)

3. The Burning (1981) - Raft Trip to Damnation
I love the Weinstein produced 'The Burning'. While the setting of the summer camp may be a tired one 'The Burning' uses it to his best. Using cabins and the woods to his advantage, the avenging killer Cropsey is best when on the river. The first time I saw this scene I was blown away. The amazing effects by Tom Savini are phenomenal, and these 2:05 of brutality show only some of his amazing talents.



2. The Prowler (1981) - Stabbed in the head, and forked to death.
The one-two punch of Sherry and Carl's deaths in 'The Prowler' is amazingly brutal. Carl's eyes roll back in his head, which is just one of the coolest effects in the movie. The villain isn't done yet, and goes to the shower to stab Sherry in the abdomen with his trusty pitchfork. The movie is one of my favorite slashers, and is criminally unseen.



1. My Bloody Valentine (1981) - Silly girl, that's not how you take a shower.
As you can see, the Slasher films from 1981 are my favorite. 'The Prowler', 'The Burning', and 'Friday the 13th Part 2' are all great flicks. Each offering their own brand of sadistic butchery. Then there is 'My Bloody Valentine'. A film I find to be very unique. The cast is all older, and by that I mean they are cast to meet their actual ages. The setting is also fantastic. The scenes in the mine are very atmospheric, and Director George Mihalka makes use of his cinematographer to put the tension on high.

'My Bloody Valentine' had nearly three solid minutes of violence edited due to issues with the MPAA. It was thought to have been lost until the footage was found, and edited back into the film. I already loved this death prior, but seeing this uncut was a true spectacle. Sylvia is being chased around the men's bath area. The villain, Harry Warden, drops mining suits suspended from the ceiling, corralling her into the shower area. Warden then proceeds to pick Sylvia up by her head, and impales the back of her skull on the showerhead, causing blood and water to spew out of her mouth.

I tried to find the clip for you, but alas Lionsgate Entertainment has removed it from all known video sources. So if you've got an insatiable urge for death, give these movies a chance as they're chock full of awesome special effects, and nubile young (cough) teens.


Honorable mentions: Machete to groin (Just Before Dawn), Frozen Head Smash (Jason X), "Welcome to Prime Time, Bitch!" (Nightmare on Elm St. 3: Dream Warriors), Wheelchair Electrocution (Popcorn), Piercing Kevin Bacon's Neck (Friday the 13th), Bullet through eyeglass (Opera). I'm sure I'll think of more and update as I go.

Deathrow Gameshow (1987)

What is the pitch for a show about death row inmates playing for their lives on a game show? What producer has the balls to say, "Hey, what if we take people who are going to die, and give them a chance on a game show to play for their freedom?". It takes care of the prison overpopulation, and it fills the populace's blood lust. It has become a sub-genre of its own over the past few decades with films like 'The Running Man', 'Gamer', 'The Condemned', and 'Death Race' (the remake). They're all action intensive movies, and although black humor comes through the violence; comedies they ain't.

'Deathrow Gameshow' was a title that I had seen in video stores when I was a kid. By the time I was into renting obscure titles many video stores were closing down, or moving to DVD. It's a film that I had been searching for many years to find, and finally got a copy on VHS. That's a lot of hype to see a film about people getting killed on TV, but that VHS cover was imprinted in my brain. I HAD to see this movie. To my surprise upon first viewing it was more a Comedy than a Horror. I mean, sure, a good amount of Cult movies have that over-the-top comedic appeal. 'Deathrow Gameshow' was more alike to the works of the Zucker Brothers with 'Airplane!' or 'The Naked Gun'. Well, it wasn't what I was expecting and that first view was kind of like meeting a long time pen-pal. You have all these great expectations through fantastic conversations, but then find out that they're really off the wall, bat-shit crazy and can only hang out for an hour or so before taking off, because they know they'll overstay their welcome.

America's most popular game show is 'Live or Die' hosted by the charismatic Chuck Toedan. The show is known for its high ratings, and higher moral objection (see what I did there?). Contestants sign a waiver before going on acknowledging that their death could come at any moment. Chuck gets death threats, bomb threats and even threats of sex from crazed fans. OK, that's not so bad but overall it's pretty outrageous.

While promoting 'Live or Die' on a local talk show, he is accosted by Gloria Sternvirgin who is the leader of a local female rights group. I didn't make up that name. They really named her that. Gloria talks about how it's wrong to kill people, but Chuck is quick to remind her that these "contestants" were going to die anyways. He's giving them a chance to live, and their families also receive great prizes if their loved ones die. The two exit the interview, and Gloria confronts Chuck about his horrible lifestyle. Then, suddenly, out of a cliche comes two armed hitmen coming to take his life. Chuck grabs Gloria into the car, and they're off taking out the assailants on their way.

A few years back a mob boss died after he had passed his challenge; The Dance of the Seven Boners. You see, if he got an erection a motion device would trigger his electrocution. Well, he survived the model but it turns out that Chuck's manly touch is what did the boss in. Ever since he's had numerous attempts on his life. Gloria is thought to be in cahoots with Chuck (as is the case with every budding romance in a Cult movie), and is made a target as well. Will these two bite the bullet, or will they make it through to the other side? Find out on 'Deathrow Gameshow'!

Like I said, I was expecting a Horror movie and got a Zucker sytle Comedy. I love stupid, silly movies but was not expecting this. I decided to give the film a second view. After all, the hunt for such a film must return a positive experience, right? Right? Well, yes and no. The film is still pretty bad, but there are spots that are pretty funny. Visual gags like "Slow Children", and the kids are moving slow through a sidewalk always cracks me up. Where the film fails in the comic department is the dialogue. One of the best parts of the early Zucker films is while they have amazing visual gags, they also can write dialogue that makes you really laugh. Most of the jokes here felt forced, and really fell flat.

With a premise like 'Deathrow Gameshow' you would expect some pretty interesting death scenes, but they're really run of the mill. Electrocutions are the most popular, and don't really do much in terms of shock a response out of the viewer. The only real original death is an old lady (case of mistaken identity) runs through an fire themed obstacle course holding two canisters of gasoline. I'd say spoiler alert, but I don't think anyone cares. She makes it to the end, but blows up by a shoddy table with two candles.

'Deathrow Gameshow' was a real bust. I was expecting greatness, and got amateurish buffoonery. The film uses its low budget to its best abilities, but really can't find its ground between Horror and Comedy. The actors read their lines, but I don't believe they are enjoying themselves. Perhaps it's the quest was better than the treasure, but a film like 'Deathrow Gameshow' should make me feel like a winner. Instead I feel like a guy playing on the couch at home.

'Deathrow Gameshow' is available on DVD from Brentwood Home Video, but is currently Out Of Print.

Rating: 2 out of 5 Trash Bags

Original Trailer on YouTube

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