Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Trash Pile Top 10: Giant Monster Movies

My hero growing up was Godzilla. The first movie I vividly remember watching was 'King Kong vs. Godzilla'. From there my tastes spread to the monsters at Universal with 'Creature From the Black Lagoon', 'Dracula', 'Frankenstein', and 'The Wolf Man'. However, I was a bigger fan of Universal's other Monster films like 'Tarantula', 'The Deadly Mantis' or 'The Land Unknown'.

Through my father, who introduced me to this crap, I learned about the Big-Bug movies of the '50s, and about Kaiju films from Japan. Seeing giant sized creatures attacking buildings, destroying cities or the off chance of saving humanity can make for a fun movie. Recent efforts like 'Cloverfield' show that films with giant monsters can still sell.

Films featuring giant animals and mutated dinosaurs tend to not have the best reputation in terms of quality. Both Godzilla and Gamera have been mocked on 'Mystery Science Theater 3000', and many studios will shell out a quick rip-off flick if they think it could make a dollar. Looking at you Asylum.

These are the best examples, to me, of giant monsters in the movies. Some are as big as buildings, but all are bigger than any real life counterpart.

10. Rodan (1956)

'Rodan' is a film that gets a little over looked nowadays in comparison to its other Japanese counterparts. 'Rodan' was a big hit over here in the states a few years after it's initial '56 release, albeit edited to all hell, and a young George Takei doing voice work. *Spoiler Alert* The ending is one of the most tragic in giant monster films. One of the two Rodan falls to its death inside an erupting volcano, and the other, not wanting to live without its mate, dives to its death. Romance.




9. Eight Legged Freaks (2002)

Jason and I were two of possibly 20 lucky winners to see 'Eight Legged Freaks' at an advanced screening sponsored by WAAF in Boston back in 2002. The film wasn't a big success in theaters, but it's a great ride with a loving respect for the films of the '50s while still being relevant. Good supporting cast (a young Scarlett Johansson), and solid effects allow for the film to move past "so bad it's good" to just "good"



8. Tremors (1990)

Much like 'Eight Legged Freaks', 'Tremors' is a film that knows its base and its audience. Taking a great setting like the Nevada desert, and adding a subterranean menace all adds up to a real fun time. The cast being rounded out by Kevin Bacon, Fred Ward, Michael Gross, and the always awesome Victor Wong is great. The special effects are practical, and leads to great reactions by the cast. The script adds humor to the terror, and that is why 'Tremors' still works to this day.



7. Tarantula (1955)

One of the films that got me hooked on the genre, 'Tarantula' features effects that were unusual for the time. Many crews were working with Stop-Motion Animation, Suitmation (Rubber Suits), but 'Tarantula' used real footage of real animals. What really makes the story of 'Tarantula' a compelling one is that the monsters creation was meant for good, not evil. Like most of director Jack Arnold's films, he portrays the monster in a sympathetic light. The creature is just doing what it would normally do, we humans on the other hand are the true monsters.



6. Alligator (1980)

A lot of the time films based on urban legends are fucking awful. Thankfully, the story of an alligator flushed down the sewers, and growing to 30 ft. long by eating lab animals is fantastic. Great acting by Robert Forrester, the alligator effects are awesome, and the film is the first of two films on this list to show a child being eaten on screen. Doesn't happen too often as people are easily offended. Pussies.



5. THEM! (1954)

'THEM!' is well known from being the first "Big-Bug" film of the '50s. The film was a reaction to the development of the nuclear age, and man does it show. It's a well done film with a murder mystery opening, and a monster movie finish. It really sets the movie apart from any others in its genre. The special effects were very advanced for the time, and that was one reason 'THEM!' was a success for Warner Brothers.



4. King Kong (1933)

While 'The Lost World' in 1925 might have been the first film to utilize stop-motion animation for it's beasts, it wasn't until 'King Kong' in 1933 that it was shown what could really be done with the art. The film is easily one of the finest examples of early American film, and still holds up well today with great acting, phenomenal effects by Willis O'Brien and a fantastic score all add up to a great piece of classic film-making.



3. The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (1953)

It was hard to pick only one Ray Harryhausen film to put on this list, but man, this is easily his best work. In what would set the bar for 1950's Science-Fiction, 'The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms' really sells its creature. Utilizing a short story by Ray Bradbury, the film took inspiration from the Atomic Age, and awoke the beast with a nuclear blast. It's a concept that was used over and over again throughout the next decade or so. Harryhausen is the master of stop-motion animation, and this film proves it.



2. Jaws (1975)

'Jaws' was the first real blockbuster in the truest sense of the definition. The shark is massive, but is so well shot that you aren't sure just how big it is for the first 3/4 of the film. Spielberg took what could have been camp like a lot of films of the past 25 years, but made something truly shocking. Every giant animal movie after 1975 owes huge credit to everything that was accomplished with 'Jaws'.



1. Gojira (1954)

For over 50 years Godzilla has been a staple of pop culture. Appearing in films, comics, music and anything else he can stomp on. Countless foes have tried to stop him. Countries have tried to destroy him. While not every film in the Godzilla catalog is fantastic, there are some shining examples that are great for a casual Kaiju fan. The original is a good one to start out with, but I do suggest seeing both the Japanese original cut, and the bastardized American version. Each offer something different while using the same basic story. From there I suggest 'Godzilla vs. Biollante' (1985), 'GMK: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack' (2001), and 'Godzilla vs. Destroyah' (1995)



Honorable mentions: The Valley of Gwangi, Mosquito, The Great Alligator, Orca, Empire of the Ants, Spasms, Mothra, It Came from the Beneath Sea.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Curse of the Blue Lights (1988)

One of the main goals of starting this blog was to put films, however horrible they may be, in front of new viewers. A lot of the films I enjoy are fucking awful, but it's nice to finally explain why I find entertainment in such shitty productions. Although I might find some macabre enjoyment out of almost any film, it doesn't mean I like everything.

'Curse of the Blue Lights' was a film I had only read about through DVD-R distributor Stumpy Disks. The title interested me in the thought of promising zombies, ghouls, monsters, and presumably some type of sword fight. I found this tape while I was digging through a vendor at a local flea market. Along with about a dozen or so other tapes I ventured home having, what I at least hoped to be, a new Cult film to love. This was like taking home a diseased puppy.

The film starts in the town of Dudley, where a farmer is harvesting wheat. Seeing something in the distance the farmer exits the tractor, and finds a rotting animal in the middle of the field. Suddenly, a nearby scarecrow springs to life and starts attacking the man; then starts spewing what looks to be creamed corn. The battle drags on between the animated scarecrow, and the elderly farmer. And it keeps going. After about two minutes of the farmer struggling on the ground the scarecrow lifts a shovel, and slams into the face. Or abdomen, it's off-screen so we just have to assume it was brutal; even with the "Original Uncensored Version" plastered on the cover.

At the Dudley High School, Paul and Ken wait to pick up Ken's girlfriend, Sandy. Paul's license plate is 1M2CUL. Ugh. It's Friday, and the group are trying to figure out what to do tonight. Apparently Paul and his quasi-girlfriend Alice aren't moving as fast as he'd like as they only neck. Apparently the film is set in the '50s. Most people tend to go to Blue Lights which is like the lover's lane, but wait. If the movie is called 'Curse of the Blue Lights', and they're going to Blue Lights? Oh. My. God. Apparently the Blue Lights are the ghosts of dead passengers, or some other supernatural phenomena. No one knows anything in this fucking movie.

While driving over their lines, the gang heads to Blue Lights describing the history of the area. Apparently some train conductor hung the wrong colored light, and was "creamed" by a train. The dialogue is very Scooby-Doo. Suddenly out of fucking nowhere a horse drawn carriage crosses the road, and stops the gang dead in their tracks. The carriage houses the diabolical Loath. Loath (who looks strangely like Dr. Caligari) is searching the area of Dudley for a creature that will bring the dark ages back to mankind. Loathe sends his ghouls (the credits listed them as "The Ghouls", so you know they're stage caliber actors) to look for what is known as The Muldoon Man. And no, it's not the bad-ass guy from 'Jurassic Park'.

Back at the Blue Lights, everything is getting hot and heavy until the school rich kid, Max, shows up in his classic muscle car. In what was sure to be the best drag race since 'Grease' the group is distracted by the Blue Lights, which are now over on the other side of the river. While searching the riverbed the gang discovers The Muldoon Man buried in the dirt, and learn that the dreaded Loathe needs the flesh and blood of the living to resurrect the beast. Looks like the gang has a real mystery on their hands.

That's what I love and hate about VHS covers. The covers look fucking awesome; showcasing the best scenes to reel you in. Then you watch the piece of shit, and need to cleanse the pallet with bleach. 'Curse of the Blue Lights' was written, edited, shot and directed by John Henry Johnson, who has three films under his belt, and I'm sure they're just as bad as this. I've heard that this film has H.P. Lovecraft influence, and I can see it. I just wish the writing wasn't a rip-off of a rejected Scooby-Doo Script. It's obvious that Johnson used whoever he could find not giving a shit about the quality of acting, just to read their lines. Oh, and then there is the witch who is credited as "The Witch". She's like if Yoda fucked Bela Lugosi, and had a super obnoxious baby.

If the acting and script were better, then this would have been a halfway decent movie. The story is an interesting one with the resurrection of an ancient God-like beast, who brings the death of mankind. Loathe and his band of ghouls collect the teens, and feed them to the beast by melting them with lye. The setup of a lover's lane type of location is typical, but if done correctly could lead to good satire. Yeah, not so much here.

While the acting is dreadful, and the story just 'eh' I bet you're wondering about the special effects. We'll, they're just average from the creative team involved. Mark Sisson was behind two of the lesser 'Nightmare on Elm Street' sequels; 'Dream Master' and 'Dream Child'. Though while the special effects in those films are pretty good, here we just get your run of the mill zombie make-up, and the aforementioned melting of bodies. The film just doesn't really pack the punch of the "Original Uncensored Version" that the box would imply.

'Curse of the Blue Lights' means well, and in spots shows some shimmer of a good concept, but stale and dated dialogue along with some of the worst acting I've ever seen damage the film far too much to even be remotely worth recommending.

*EDIT* After long thoughts on this movie, I have decreed this the worst movie I have ever seen. I have changed the rating to 0 because Curse of the Blue Lights is painful. Beyond painful.

'Curse of the Blue Lights' is available on VHS from Magnum Home Entertainment, but is out of print. Copies range from $5 to $12.

Rating: 0 out of 5 Trash Bags

There is no known trailer for 'Curse of the Blue Lights', so just imagine a group of teens sneaking around a cemetery looking for clues.