Mutilations (1986)

There are really only a few routes an alien invasion film can go. You can have the mass-destruction styling of Roland Emmerich, or maybe the film is an allegory for some part of our society like Invasion of the Body Snatchers. There's also just the good old fashioned "aliens are here to fuck shit up" approach.

Prior to the CG-laden adventures of a cigar smoking Will Smith in Independence Day, most films dabbling in alien invasion were left to the devices of practical and traditional special effects. Unless you're Ray Harryhausen it's probably pretty hard to show alien spaceships attacking metropolitan areas. Case in point: Plan 9 from Outer Space.

Mutilations takes the approach of most pre-CG alien invasion films, and isolates the action to a central location and group of characters. The benefit here is it would be silly to tackle such a broad story with what is obviously a small budget. With that we're given a pretty run-of-the-mill stalk and slash alien movie, and that's by no means a detraction.

Mutilations tells the story of a group of science students who hear tale of group of townsfolk who have noticed strange lights occurring in, and around the town. On top of that, apparently the cattle and other animals have been found stripped of skin, and partially consumed. Of course being the brazen young group that they are, they venture into the mountains to find out what has been causing all the... Mutilations.

At its 65 minute run time, Mutilations is a breeze in unabashedly fun stupidity. The minimal amount of character development here is all just fodder for the impending alien attacks. I guess the first question your asking is, "Hey, Chris. Does that scene on the cover happen in the movie?" Yes, yes it does. And it is glorious. Being someone who grew up with 50's Sci-Fi I always love when a film is not afraid to take some bold risks in the effects department. It was very pleasing to see a nice combination of stop-motion animation, and practical effects in regards to the antagonistic aliens in the film. Although I'm never really sure of the size of the creatures in the film, they are a fun sight and cause some great fatalities.

From a technical standpoint however, Mutilations falls into the "So bad, it's good" territory. From one-liners that would make Bruce Campbell balk to actors (a loose term here) inserting far too many "dramatic" pauses between words, the direction of Larry Thomas is that of someone that just wanted to tell a fun story.

Outside of the acting and dialogue, there really aren't too many negative aspects to Mutilations. From a time period of filmmaking where limitations were pushed to the extremes, this is a film that encapsulates what I really love about 80's movies. Silly story, quick-paced and absurdly violent.

Mutilations is a pretty hard tape to track down. It's available from Baron Video, and, if you can find one at a decent price, is totally recommended.

Rating: 3 1/2 out of 5 Trash Bags

Mutilations IMDB

Episode 09 - Lunch Meat/The Sacrament

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No trailer exists for Lunch Meat. You're welcome.

Death Nurse (1987)

I've seen and reviewed my share of ridiculous films throughout my time on this earth, but I find that when watching a film shot-on-video (SOV) I tend to be more relaxed with my feelings. While I will always say The Abomination is a wretched film, there is a lot of entertainment to be had with the right inebriation. There's a certain chunk of salt one has to swallow to enjoy these films, and more often than not they're poorly made and convoluted.

At the Shady Palms nursing home, Nurse Edith and her brother Doctor Gordon take care of their patients. They give them beds, offer food, and unnecessary surgery and murder. While more patients are brought in for their "exquisite" care, Edith and Gordon take turns either performing surgery or suffocating, stabbing. Soon though they find themselves with more corpses than they can handle. What are a murderous brother and sister to do?

Death Nurse is a pretty baffling movie. At the staggering 57 minute run time you are thrown into one of the most weirdly edited, shot and acted films ever. Again, that's not saying it's bad, but, well... It's bad. In an enjoyable way, but you're scratching your head as to why most of these decisions were made. Long shots of actors doing nothing. Dream sequences that are never explained, also these sequences were taken from the film Criminally Insane, so they obviously needed the padding.

The acting from Priscilla Alden is spot-on with its awfulness. It's wooden and no awards will be given for her performance, but it's endearing. The "production value" of the film was that of probably one weekend, the director's family/friends, 5 VHS tapes, a Panasonic camcorder and two VCRs for editing. It's cheap and it shows, but it's never serious and allows for organic laughs with the dark humor while everything else in the movie provides the unintentional chuckles.

Death Nurse isn't going to win any awards, but it's a movie to throw on with a group of friends. It's under an hour of your life, and most of us paid to sit through Avatar. That shit was like 3 hours. You could watch Death Nurse, Death Nurse 2 and two episodes of the Simpsons in that time frame and be more entertained that tree sex bullshit.

Rating: 2 1/2 out of 5 Trash Bags

Death Nurse is available from Slasher // Video, but it is limited to 1,000 units.