Episode 31 - The Witches Mountain (1972)

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Slashing the Options: The Future of 'Friday the 13th'

News broke earlier today that the rights for 'Friday the 13th' and its antagonist Jason Voorhees have reverted back from New Line/Warner Brothers to Paramount Studios in exchange for Chris Nolan's new film, 'Interstellar'. Now the speculation comes as to what will happen with Camp Crystal Lake. The last rumors floating around were to set the next installment during winter, and possibly have it be a found footage film. These are intriguing ideas, sure, but here are some ideas on how I think Paramount should handle the franchise they buried years ago.

1. Up the Gore:

While the 2009 reboot wasn't a bad film there just wasn't much balls behind it. Sure, there were trickles of what made this franchise so special to the fans, but it just felt like a watered down rip-off. The biggest downside, to me, about the '09 offering was that the kills, while vicious, weren't to the level we had seen in previous entries.

Sure, there was a call back to the sleeping bag death from 'New Blood', and the bear trap was an excellent choice of weapon, but this is JASON FUCKING VOORHEES we're talking about here. He should not be moping around in underground caverns. He should be slow walking while cracking dudes in half, crushing skulls to a pulp or some other wacky means of dispatching his victims.

For most fans, the special effects in this series are a highlight, and that was the biggest downside in the '09 remake. To Paramount, I say: don't be afraid to show the gore. You pussied out with 'New Blood' by trimming the violence, so here's your chance to make up for it.

2. Keep the Setting at Camp Crystal Lake:

Another downside from the '09 version was that we weren't at Camp Crystal Lake long enough. This is probably one of the most iconic locations in horror history, and all we get is a glimpse of a broken down camp. Take a note from the original film, and have a group of people trying to re-open the camp to the public. Hell, do one better and follow 'Jason Lives' with the camp being open AND in session.

This will add for huge tension with a plethora of bodies for Mr. Voorhees to mow down, and at the same time give us a chance to see humanity amongst our protagonists. There are parts in 'Jason Lives' where we see the counselors looking after and enjoying the company of the children attending camp. This adds to the character development as while they may not be the best people (pre-marital sex, drug use, drinking, etc.), it at least shows us that there are redeeming qualities. This will make their deaths that much more impactful.

3. Embrace the Past: 

While there were nods to the original series in the Platinum Dunes reboot, it just didn't really fit the cannon of the franchise. It was too mean spirited, whereas the other entries at least had a sense of fun to them; kind of like a theme park ride. Perhaps the best way to reboot the franchise is to set it in the 80s? I doubt Paramount would want to do this, but it would be a fun way to be meta about the series while still creating an original storyline.

4. Casting:

If there's one name (outside of Sean Cunningham) that is synonymous with 'Friday the 13th', it's Kane Hodder. Kane played Jason from Part VII to Part X, and is who fans know and love as the hockey masked slasher. I have my gripes about the '09 reboot, but Derek Mears portrayed Jason rather well. What I think, and this is a long shot, is to cast both in the film. Not having dual Jasons running around, but either have Mears portray Jason again or Kane, but have BOTH in the film. It should be littered with a who's who of Friday stars, and, more importantly, show that the studio is creating a film for the fans.

5. Plot: 

If there's one thing that has been missing amongst the Friday franchise over the years, it has been Jason's arch-rival; Tommy Jarvis. Portrayed original by Corey Feldman, then John Shepherd until finally being played by Thom Mathews in 'Jason Lives'. The Tommy and Jason relationship is the equivalent of Nancy vs. Freddy. There's something to be said about a character with a history, and since 'Jason Lives', all we've had is Jason mowing down teen after teen. I mean sure, that's really what this series is about, but there is a rich history between these two that should be continued.


There are probably a dozen or so other points I would tell Paramount to take in their re-acquisition of this beloved franchise, but the clock is ticking. The deal with Warner Brothers states that within FIVE YEARS there must be another entry made, or the rights will revert. My concern is that we'll get a cookie cutter entry that doesn't really serve the series justice, but I could just be talking out of my ass.

What are your thoughts? Do you think Paramount will show this franchise love after manhandling it for decades? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!

Trash Pile Hate Notes: Remakes

There are certain things, as a movie fan, that really piss me off about the way Hollywood ru(i)ns their industry. The tossing away of the professions of special effects, matte painters and stop-motion animators is so depressing. With the surge in computer technology, largely in part to 'Terminator 2' and 'Jurassic Park', everyone found out how easier it is create anything out of some computer code. Honestly though, am I the only one that can still tell that it's CGI? Give me painted backgrounds, latex gore and blood gushing squibs! Now bullet shots are CGI? What? To save time? Give me a fucking break.

Besides my hatred of technology, the thing that has been pissing me off for the past decade or so are Remakes, Reboots, Premakes or any other silly fucking name that producers try to brand their film. Look, there was already an original, and you're crushing the impact that those films can have the first time you see them. It's poor writing, and poor decision making, regardless of how much money your take on the plot rakes in. Let us start for instance, with 'The Evil Dead' remake.

Now while 'The Evil Dead' has limitations in part to the size of the budget. Sam Raimi, Rob Tapert, Bruce Campbell and a whole slew of other people used their talent to create the suspense in that film. The way that the camera careens through the forest, and through the swamp. 'The Evil Dead' is one the best examples in a Horror film where what you don't see is scarier. With today's technology they'll show what is roaming through the woods after one of the kids reads the Necronomicon, and unless they pull a 'Jaws' and not show it until the end, then it's going to get over used and no longer scary. The same can be said for when the rest of the cast starts turning into demons. Odds are they'll do over-the-top CGI transformations and take away from subtle changes that can happen just from over applying some blush. The remake isn't even out, but based on the trends of the past few years, it'll be all style and no substance. Like the 'Nightmare on Elm Street' remake from last year.

'Nightmare on Elm Street' was a film that revitalized the Slasher sub-genre in the mid '80s with adding a supernatural twist into the mix. It too, like 'The Evil Dead', was shot on a shoestring budget. It compensates for it's short budget with a strong script with great characters, and even greater scares. The remake from last year tried too hard to look stunning without utilizing it's premise to the fullest abilities. The dream sequences didn't have the same tension, and they could have used the micro-nap a lot more. Instead they padded the film with the same boring characters from every other Horror film released that year. The film looked great, and Jackie Earl Haley did his best as Freddy, but the film lacked the heart of the original. It's best that the film not try to look so pretty, and be a quick, old-fashioned atmosphere driven scare ride.

I could go on for more time you would care to hear me rant, but there are many other souless examples that Hollywood has excreted out in the past ten years. 'The Thing', 'The Wicker Man', 'Black Christmas', 'Friday the 13th', 'Mirrors', and dozens more are just some of the atrocious retellings of some great American and Foreign Horror. The thing is that there are times when remakes and reboots work, and work well. The best way to execute a proper retelling of a story is to put your personal touch on the piece. With John Carpenter's remake of the 1954 Sci-Fi Classic 'The Thing from Another World!' he went back to the original story by John Campbell. The monster in the '54 version was a plant type monster portaryed by James (Gunsmoke) Arness. Carpenter's version in '82 was the style that the monster assimilated itself to whoever it comes in contact with. I highly enjoy each version for different reasons, but Carpenter's version has so much tension and fear within the cast that you believe everything they're going through. Then the special effects. I could go on for hours, but hands down best ever. Ever.

Maybe these are all just rantings of a crazed movie fan, but I feel that if you're going to try and retell a story do it with heart. Have a strong conviction to the source material, but try to find any way to make it your own. Zack Snyder did it with 'Dawn of the Dead' in '04. Chuck Russell did it with 'The Blob' in '88, and Tom Savini did it in 1990 with 'Night of the Living Dead'. Leave films like 'Suspiria', 'Escape from New York', 'The Monster Squad', 'American Psycho', 'Scanners', 'Creature from the Black Lagoon', 'Child's Play', 'Poltergeist', 'Silent Night, Deadly Night', 'They Live', and probably thousands more alone. Has your creativity dried up Hollywood, or are you too scared to take chances any more? Stop spending your $250 million (pre-marketing) on a 'Battleship' and 'John Carter' movie, and fund 500 $1 million dollar movies. You'll thank me when you get better returns for 2012.

Trash Pile Top 10: Slasher Deaths

I can't speak for the masses, but there is one main reason I enjoy the Slasher sub-genre; the inventive new methods of disposing victims. There are really only seven to ten different plots in a Slasher film, so that will deter most viewers. The actors are in their late twenties to thirties playing teens, and normally have similar acting range. With that you're left with the special effects, and man oh man do (most) Slasher films bring the latex to the table.

It's hard to pick only ten kills that I find the best. There are many quality moments of carnage, but ten? Well, I'm going to give it a shot.

10. Silent Night, Deadly Night (1985) - Toboggan From Hell
There are so many fantastic moments in 'Silent Night, Deadly Night', but this was one of the best for me. These two kids steal this sled from another group of kids, and they proceed to sled the hill. Little do they know that Billy is going around dressed as Santa killing anyone who he deems naughty. These two hoodlums have an axe awaiting them.



9. Halloween (1978) - Hung Up to Dry
John Carpenter's 'Halloween' is one of the staples of Slasher history. While it wasn't the first to be released, it was the first box office success. By today's standards the death scenes seem tame, Bob's death is iconic. All he wanted to do was get a beer, and ends up getting stabbed in the gut.



8. Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers (1988) - Drugs can kill
The 'Sleepaway Camp' series is one of my favorites. The original has one of the best twist endings of all time, but I love how over-the-top the sequels are. The one liners by the killer, Angela, are some of the funniest in Slasher history. This particular death involves two drugged up sisters who are about to burn up one last time. These puns write themselves, I'm serious.



7. Hatchet (2006) - That's one way to loose your head
Adam Green's 'Hatchet' is one of my favorite horror films of the last few years. I also loved the sequel, maybe more so than the first. The death of the Jim and Shannon Permatteo is phenomenal, and then you see the tongue waggling in the aftermath. Adam Green really knows how to execute his death scenes with hysterical precision.



6. Friday the 13th Part 7: The New Blood (1988) - Tree Hugging Camper
I love the Friday the 13th series, so it was really hard to come up with just one to put on this list. However, this girl getting slammed into the a tree in her sleeping bag is one of the most brutal, especially the clip shown below, which is in it's uncut form. 'New Blood' was butchered by the MPAA, and apparently Paramount has lost the minutes (!) of deleted gore footage. Here's hoping it's discovered like the 'My Bloody Valentine' footage was back in 2009.



5. Twitch of the Death Nerve (1971) - Speared for Your Pleasure
Outside of Alfred Hitchcock's 'Psycho' and H.G. Lewis's 'Blood Feast', Mario Bava's 'Twitch of the Death Nerve' is one of the first true slashers. The film tells the tale of a crazed family trying to off one another in gruesome ways to inherit the fortune of a dead relative. The film doesn't hold back, and like many Italian Horror films is very graphic. The death of Duke and Denise may be familiar to some as the same exact death was lifted for 'Friday the 13th Part 2'. The clip below shows the death prior, and then the double impalement.



4. A Nightmare on Elm St. (1984) - Well, that's one way to hit the sheets.
Freddy Krueger has always been one of my favorite slashers since I was a kid. I enjoy all of the films in the series ('Dream Warriors' is my favorite), but Glen's (Johnny Depp) death in the original is by far and away one of the most shocking in the series. Not only does this genuinely good guy get killed, he is apparently shredded to death and his remains are spewed from his bed. Then his parents walk in.

Glen's Death on YouTube (New Line has requested no embedding)

3. The Burning (1981) - Raft Trip to Damnation
I love the Weinstein produced 'The Burning'. While the setting of the summer camp may be a tired one 'The Burning' uses it to his best. Using cabins and the woods to his advantage, the avenging killer Cropsey is best when on the river. The first time I saw this scene I was blown away. The amazing effects by Tom Savini are phenomenal, and these 2:05 of brutality show only some of his amazing talents.



2. The Prowler (1981) - Stabbed in the head, and forked to death.
The one-two punch of Sherry and Carl's deaths in 'The Prowler' is amazingly brutal. Carl's eyes roll back in his head, which is just one of the coolest effects in the movie. The villain isn't done yet, and goes to the shower to stab Sherry in the abdomen with his trusty pitchfork. The movie is one of my favorite slashers, and is criminally unseen.



1. My Bloody Valentine (1981) - Silly girl, that's not how you take a shower.
As you can see, the Slasher films from 1981 are my favorite. 'The Prowler', 'The Burning', and 'Friday the 13th Part 2' are all great flicks. Each offering their own brand of sadistic butchery. Then there is 'My Bloody Valentine'. A film I find to be very unique. The cast is all older, and by that I mean they are cast to meet their actual ages. The setting is also fantastic. The scenes in the mine are very atmospheric, and Director George Mihalka makes use of his cinematographer to put the tension on high.

'My Bloody Valentine' had nearly three solid minutes of violence edited due to issues with the MPAA. It was thought to have been lost until the footage was found, and edited back into the film. I already loved this death prior, but seeing this uncut was a true spectacle. Sylvia is being chased around the men's bath area. The villain, Harry Warden, drops mining suits suspended from the ceiling, corralling her into the shower area. Warden then proceeds to pick Sylvia up by her head, and impales the back of her skull on the showerhead, causing blood and water to spew out of her mouth.

I tried to find the clip for you, but alas Lionsgate Entertainment has removed it from all known video sources. So if you've got an insatiable urge for death, give these movies a chance as they're chock full of awesome special effects, and nubile young (cough) teens.


Honorable mentions: Machete to groin (Just Before Dawn), Frozen Head Smash (Jason X), "Welcome to Prime Time, Bitch!" (Nightmare on Elm St. 3: Dream Warriors), Wheelchair Electrocution (Popcorn), Piercing Kevin Bacon's Neck (Friday the 13th), Bullet through eyeglass (Opera). I'm sure I'll think of more and update as I go.