Blood Salvage (1990)

As my years of watching and collecting movies progresses I find myself taking less of a chance on a "blind buy" as I used to. Recently I came to the conclusion that reasoning is completely stupid, and if I'm not willing to stick my neck out on some ridiculous movie (new or old) then what type of movie fan am I really? The answer is a shitty one.

To correct this genuinely lazy mistake I've taken to seeking out a few movies that I had never heard anything about, good or bad. Just crossing off more movies to say it's worth a look, or its Curse of the Blue Lights bad. This morning I gave the 1984 flick Dreamscape a watch, and that was pretty damned entertaining. Don't know why I never saw it before, but better late than never. In the same lot of tapes I decided to pick up this silly cover of a junkyard worker holding an eyeball in wrench.

Blood Salvage tells the tale of the Evans family, who attend a county fair in which their wheelchair bound daughter April is a contestant. Jake, a local junkman, takes a shine to miss April, and sets about to have his insipid sons conspire to damage the wheels on the Evans' Winnebago. As the family embarks on their trip back home the wheel magically comes undone, and the camper veers off-road. Along comes Jake to "assist" the Evans, and brings them all back to his home. Unfortunately for the Evans what they don't realize is Jake is a mad doctor who just so happens to be sell the organs on the black market!

Blood Salvage is an absurd movie; let's get that out of the way first. If you're expecting a thought provoking chill fest you're shit out of luck. This is a movie played strictly for laughs, more in the vein of Blood Diner than Hills Have Eyes. The company who released the film, Magnum, has not been my best friend when it comes to quality views. I keep beating the dead horse that is Curse of the Blue Lights, but then there's also the shit-show that is Street Asylum. After viewing those two films I was a bit reluctant, but I'm happy I did. This was the simple, no nonsense type of horror comedy I like. Not as heavy on the slapstick, but black humor in the dialogue and absurdity of the overall situation. The gore was also a fun aspect here, but not played for anything more than comedy.

Another aspect of Blood Salvage that elevated the viewing for me was the inclusion of some familiar faces in John Saxon as the patriarch of the Evans household, and Ray Walston as the seedy head of the black market organ trade Mr. Stone. The rest of the cast is more than acceptable, but my main gripe with the film comes in how predictable the whole thing was, right down to the last scene. Perhaps I'm just too jaded from seeing so many movies. I guess it's easy to blame myself, but honestly, maybe everything was predictable for the sake of adding levity to the plot. That's all a personal thing, and doesn't really detract from the viewing, but something I felt I should share for those who watch a lot of horror movies.

For those of you who look for something a little sillier in your upcoming horror viewings, I suggest giving Blood Salvage a watch. With an engaging plot, solid acting and great gore you’re sure to enjoy it. There are a lot of other crazy backwoods killer movies out there, but due to the humor involved with Blood Salvage I would say it’s one that holds up on repeat viewings more than most. Also, lookout for the random fucking cameo from Evander Holyfield. This must have been some paycheck, champ.

Rating: 4 out of 5 Trash Bags

Blood Salvage is currently not available on DVD, but copies of the VHS are available on Amazon starting at around $10.

Blood Salvage on Amazon

Blood Salvage on IMDB

Episode 11 - Neon Maniacs (1986)

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Slashing the Options: The Future of 'Friday the 13th'

News broke earlier today that the rights for 'Friday the 13th' and its antagonist Jason Voorhees have reverted back from New Line/Warner Brothers to Paramount Studios in exchange for Chris Nolan's new film, 'Interstellar'. Now the speculation comes as to what will happen with Camp Crystal Lake. The last rumors floating around were to set the next installment during winter, and possibly have it be a found footage film. These are intriguing ideas, sure, but here are some ideas on how I think Paramount should handle the franchise they buried years ago.

1. Up the Gore:

While the 2009 reboot wasn't a bad film there just wasn't much balls behind it. Sure, there were trickles of what made this franchise so special to the fans, but it just felt like a watered down rip-off. The biggest downside, to me, about the '09 offering was that the kills, while vicious, weren't to the level we had seen in previous entries.

Sure, there was a call back to the sleeping bag death from 'New Blood', and the bear trap was an excellent choice of weapon, but this is JASON FUCKING VOORHEES we're talking about here. He should not be moping around in underground caverns. He should be slow walking while cracking dudes in half, crushing skulls to a pulp or some other wacky means of dispatching his victims.

For most fans, the special effects in this series are a highlight, and that was the biggest downside in the '09 remake. To Paramount, I say: don't be afraid to show the gore. You pussied out with 'New Blood' by trimming the violence, so here's your chance to make up for it.

2. Keep the Setting at Camp Crystal Lake:

Another downside from the '09 version was that we weren't at Camp Crystal Lake long enough. This is probably one of the most iconic locations in horror history, and all we get is a glimpse of a broken down camp. Take a note from the original film, and have a group of people trying to re-open the camp to the public. Hell, do one better and follow 'Jason Lives' with the camp being open AND in session.

This will add for huge tension with a plethora of bodies for Mr. Voorhees to mow down, and at the same time give us a chance to see humanity amongst our protagonists. There are parts in 'Jason Lives' where we see the counselors looking after and enjoying the company of the children attending camp. This adds to the character development as while they may not be the best people (pre-marital sex, drug use, drinking, etc.), it at least shows us that there are redeeming qualities. This will make their deaths that much more impactful.

3. Embrace the Past: 

While there were nods to the original series in the Platinum Dunes reboot, it just didn't really fit the cannon of the franchise. It was too mean spirited, whereas the other entries at least had a sense of fun to them; kind of like a theme park ride. Perhaps the best way to reboot the franchise is to set it in the 80s? I doubt Paramount would want to do this, but it would be a fun way to be meta about the series while still creating an original storyline.

4. Casting:

If there's one name (outside of Sean Cunningham) that is synonymous with 'Friday the 13th', it's Kane Hodder. Kane played Jason from Part VII to Part X, and is who fans know and love as the hockey masked slasher. I have my gripes about the '09 reboot, but Derek Mears portrayed Jason rather well. What I think, and this is a long shot, is to cast both in the film. Not having dual Jasons running around, but either have Mears portray Jason again or Kane, but have BOTH in the film. It should be littered with a who's who of Friday stars, and, more importantly, show that the studio is creating a film for the fans.

5. Plot: 

If there's one thing that has been missing amongst the Friday franchise over the years, it has been Jason's arch-rival; Tommy Jarvis. Portrayed original by Corey Feldman, then John Shepherd until finally being played by Thom Mathews in 'Jason Lives'. The Tommy and Jason relationship is the equivalent of Nancy vs. Freddy. There's something to be said about a character with a history, and since 'Jason Lives', all we've had is Jason mowing down teen after teen. I mean sure, that's really what this series is about, but there is a rich history between these two that should be continued.


There are probably a dozen or so other points I would tell Paramount to take in their re-acquisition of this beloved franchise, but the clock is ticking. The deal with Warner Brothers states that within FIVE YEARS there must be another entry made, or the rights will revert. My concern is that we'll get a cookie cutter entry that doesn't really serve the series justice, but I could just be talking out of my ass.

What are your thoughts? Do you think Paramount will show this franchise love after manhandling it for decades? Leave your thoughts in the comments below!

V/H/S 2 (2013)

Since 'The Blair Witch Project' broke box office records back in 1999 it seems like everyone under the sun has tried to put their own spin on the found footage sub-genre. From zombies and ghosts to Sasquatch and Nessie; pretty much every producer could put in a little financial backing and receive a pretty solid ROI.  The truth is that most of these films were shoddily put together with little foundation of creating an entertaining film.

Last year, horror website Bloody Disgusting ventured into the original film department with their horror anthology release, 'V/H/S'. The film fared rather well in terms of audiences and critics, so inevitably a sequel would manifest itself in no time. I enjoy the first film immensely as it was a fresh take on the tired found footage formula, but I did have my issues with the film. The wraparound story of the group of men trying to search for a wanted tape was the first films biggest downfall, as the acting and characters weren't anything to envelop the stories in-between. The other issue, as with any anthology movie, is that you're going to be left with films you really like, maybe some you're impartial to, and others that you just didn't care for at all. A lot of people didn't seem to enjoy the Ti West offering in the last installment, but I enjoy a slow burn.

As with the previous 'VHS' film, the sequel starts off with a wraparound story to envelop the found footage horrors. This time round we follow a group of private investigators who are sent to find a woman's missing son. As they enter the apartment, they find TV sets stacked in a wall with dozens of VCRs and tapes haphazardly strewn about the room. As one investigator goes searching through the house, the other starts looking through the man's tape collection.

Now here is where I should provide details of all the tapes that are viewed, but that would take away from the fun of the film. Each of the four stories are so different, but compliment each other rather smoothly. The basic premise for the films are: Ghosts ('Clinical Trials'), Zombies ('A Ride in the Park'), a cult ('Safe Haven') and an alien abduction ('Slumber Party Alien Abduction'). Whereas the first film had a few mediocre segments this sequel finds all the right beats from the first one, and amplifies them to the umptenth degree. Laughs, gore and atmosphere are all present in each segment, and the crowd I saw it with was laughing and screaming the entire time.

Honestly, I'm pretty hard pressed to find any issues with 'VHS 2'. It was exactly what I wanted from a sequel, and had a great sense of fun with each offering. The directors involved all did a wonderful job of staying within the horror genre, but allowing for comedic elements to ring throughout to offset the violence and scares. I don't even have a favorite segment, but if there was one that the audience seemed to respond to the most it was Gareth Evans 'Safe Haven'. This is the gentlemen who directed last years fantastic 'The Raid'.

While found footage may not have been reinvented with 'VHS 2', it certainly was well crafted in how to entertain an audience. For whatever faults there may have been in the previous installment, all have been eradicated with this new outing. The best thing about a budding franchise like 'VHS' is that it's a venue for up and coming directors to showcase their talents in a condensed form. They can churn out one a year like any other horror franchise, but the difference here is that we'll never see the same movie twice.

'VHS 2' will be released by Magnet Releasing on VOD July 6th with a limited theatrical run July 12th.

Rating: 5 out of 5 Trash Bags

Fatal Games (1984)

When looking back through the history of film there was no time for Horror like that of the 1980's. With the video boom in full swing producers were able to turn out cheap imitations of more popular titles. When 'Friday the 13th' hit in 1980 the era of the Slasher was paved, and the home video market never was the same. At around the time that the novelty was wearing thin (the first time) there were more Slashers in your rental store than in your local theater. The market was over-saturated, and the ROI for these films became less and less.

This is where a film like 'Fatal Games' comes in; riding the Slasher coattails. Released by Media films in 1984 it's a film that many nowadays won't know, but to those who saw the wonderfully drawn cover in a video store may have been duped into renting.

'Fatal Games' starts off with a montage of hopeful Olympians training in their respective sports. It's topped off by the wonderfully cheesy song which states "winning isn't everything; it's the only thing". What struck me as odd with 'Fatal Games' is that there isn't an opening murder to give you the tone of the film, and instead it feels like you're watching some after school special. We're then thrust into the world of seven athletes who are competing in the national...something or other. As these seven Olympic hopefuls train to better themselves for the big game there is an unseen force, yielding a javelin, taking the youths out one by one.

Honestly, the above plot summary might seem a little light on description, but believe me that this was one forgettable Slasher. What films like 'Silent Night, Deadly Night', 'Friday the 13th', and 'My Bloody Valentine' have in common are elaborate death sequences that keep you watching. 'Fatal Games' on the other hand has none of that. Some Slasher films use their shortcomings by upping the gore quotient, but again 'Fatal Games' fails to deliver. Every victim, with the exception of the killer, die by the aforementioned javelin. The first kill was a laugh out loud moment as I just didn't see it coming. I mean seriously? A javelin? It's too absurd to be scary, and it just becomes comical. After the fourth kill it started to get a little excruciating, and then we're just stuck with this image for 84 minutes of overacting.

There is only one actor (a term I use loosely) that uses any range in their deliveries, and that is Sally Kirkland, who was nominated for an Oscar in 1988 for 'Anna'. I really didn't find her to be "Oscar Caliber" in 'Fatal Games', but then again, there is nothing award worthy here. The characters are all flat, and their deaths just don't mean anything when you don't give a shit about them. Each actor seems to come from an authentic sports background, so I guess that adds some legitimacy? Maybe not, but other than the actual school location there aren't really too many positives about 'Fatal Games'.

Probably often rented in the mid to late '80s, but has been forever out-of-print since the early '90s. 'Fatal Games' can be found in parts on YouTube, and I've included the first part down below. This is a film for those Slasher enthusiasts who need to see every film. There are only so many times you can see the same kill over and over again. Unoriginal kills lead way to paying attention to the actions of the characters, and that just makes 'Fatal Games' another painful excuse in home video treachery.

Rating: 1 out of 5 Trash Bags

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Enjoy the full movie! If you can stomach it.