Episode 27 - Threads (1984)

 

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Threads on Amazon

Episode 24 - Night Beast (1983)

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Blood Salvage (1990)

As my years of watching and collecting movies progresses I find myself taking less of a chance on a "blind buy" as I used to. Recently I came to the conclusion that reasoning is completely stupid, and if I'm not willing to stick my neck out on some ridiculous movie (new or old) then what type of movie fan am I really? The answer is a shitty one.

To correct this genuinely lazy mistake I've taken to seeking out a few movies that I had never heard anything about, good or bad. Just crossing off more movies to say it's worth a look, or its Curse of the Blue Lights bad. This morning I gave the 1984 flick Dreamscape a watch, and that was pretty damned entertaining. Don't know why I never saw it before, but better late than never. In the same lot of tapes I decided to pick up this silly cover of a junkyard worker holding an eyeball in wrench.

Blood Salvage tells the tale of the Evans family, who attend a county fair in which their wheelchair bound daughter April is a contestant. Jake, a local junkman, takes a shine to miss April, and sets about to have his insipid sons conspire to damage the wheels on the Evans' Winnebago. As the family embarks on their trip back home the wheel magically comes undone, and the camper veers off-road. Along comes Jake to "assist" the Evans, and brings them all back to his home. Unfortunately for the Evans what they don't realize is Jake is a mad doctor who just so happens to be sell the organs on the black market!

Blood Salvage is an absurd movie; let's get that out of the way first. If you're expecting a thought provoking chill fest you're shit out of luck. This is a movie played strictly for laughs, more in the vein of Blood Diner than Hills Have Eyes. The company who released the film, Magnum, has not been my best friend when it comes to quality views. I keep beating the dead horse that is Curse of the Blue Lights, but then there's also the shit-show that is Street Asylum. After viewing those two films I was a bit reluctant, but I'm happy I did. This was the simple, no nonsense type of horror comedy I like. Not as heavy on the slapstick, but black humor in the dialogue and absurdity of the overall situation. The gore was also a fun aspect here, but not played for anything more than comedy.

Another aspect of Blood Salvage that elevated the viewing for me was the inclusion of some familiar faces in John Saxon as the patriarch of the Evans household, and Ray Walston as the seedy head of the black market organ trade Mr. Stone. The rest of the cast is more than acceptable, but my main gripe with the film comes in how predictable the whole thing was, right down to the last scene. Perhaps I'm just too jaded from seeing so many movies. I guess it's easy to blame myself, but honestly, maybe everything was predictable for the sake of adding levity to the plot. That's all a personal thing, and doesn't really detract from the viewing, but something I felt I should share for those who watch a lot of horror movies.

For those of you who look for something a little sillier in your upcoming horror viewings, I suggest giving Blood Salvage a watch. With an engaging plot, solid acting and great gore you’re sure to enjoy it. There are a lot of other crazy backwoods killer movies out there, but due to the humor involved with Blood Salvage I would say it’s one that holds up on repeat viewings more than most. Also, lookout for the random fucking cameo from Evander Holyfield. This must have been some paycheck, champ.

Rating: 4 out of 5 Trash Bags

Blood Salvage is currently not available on DVD, but copies of the VHS are available on Amazon starting at around $10.

Blood Salvage on Amazon

Blood Salvage on IMDB

Episode 04 - 3:15 (1986)

 

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V/H/S 2 (2013)

Since 'The Blair Witch Project' broke box office records back in 1999 it seems like everyone under the sun has tried to put their own spin on the found footage sub-genre. From zombies and ghosts to Sasquatch and Nessie; pretty much every producer could put in a little financial backing and receive a pretty solid ROI.  The truth is that most of these films were shoddily put together with little foundation of creating an entertaining film.

Last year, horror website Bloody Disgusting ventured into the original film department with their horror anthology release, 'V/H/S'. The film fared rather well in terms of audiences and critics, so inevitably a sequel would manifest itself in no time. I enjoy the first film immensely as it was a fresh take on the tired found footage formula, but I did have my issues with the film. The wraparound story of the group of men trying to search for a wanted tape was the first films biggest downfall, as the acting and characters weren't anything to envelop the stories in-between. The other issue, as with any anthology movie, is that you're going to be left with films you really like, maybe some you're impartial to, and others that you just didn't care for at all. A lot of people didn't seem to enjoy the Ti West offering in the last installment, but I enjoy a slow burn.

As with the previous 'VHS' film, the sequel starts off with a wraparound story to envelop the found footage horrors. This time round we follow a group of private investigators who are sent to find a woman's missing son. As they enter the apartment, they find TV sets stacked in a wall with dozens of VCRs and tapes haphazardly strewn about the room. As one investigator goes searching through the house, the other starts looking through the man's tape collection.

Now here is where I should provide details of all the tapes that are viewed, but that would take away from the fun of the film. Each of the four stories are so different, but compliment each other rather smoothly. The basic premise for the films are: Ghosts ('Clinical Trials'), Zombies ('A Ride in the Park'), a cult ('Safe Haven') and an alien abduction ('Slumber Party Alien Abduction'). Whereas the first film had a few mediocre segments this sequel finds all the right beats from the first one, and amplifies them to the umptenth degree. Laughs, gore and atmosphere are all present in each segment, and the crowd I saw it with was laughing and screaming the entire time.

Honestly, I'm pretty hard pressed to find any issues with 'VHS 2'. It was exactly what I wanted from a sequel, and had a great sense of fun with each offering. The directors involved all did a wonderful job of staying within the horror genre, but allowing for comedic elements to ring throughout to offset the violence and scares. I don't even have a favorite segment, but if there was one that the audience seemed to respond to the most it was Gareth Evans 'Safe Haven'. This is the gentlemen who directed last years fantastic 'The Raid'.

While found footage may not have been reinvented with 'VHS 2', it certainly was well crafted in how to entertain an audience. For whatever faults there may have been in the previous installment, all have been eradicated with this new outing. The best thing about a budding franchise like 'VHS' is that it's a venue for up and coming directors to showcase their talents in a condensed form. They can churn out one a year like any other horror franchise, but the difference here is that we'll never see the same movie twice.

'VHS 2' will be released by Magnet Releasing on VOD July 6th with a limited theatrical run July 12th.

Rating: 5 out of 5 Trash Bags

A Visual Schedule

Here's the selection of films we will be reviewing over the next several months.

First Row: SeedPeople, The Ladies Club, The Sender, Chained Heat, Sky Pirates, Death Machine, Night of the Scarecrow, Mutant.

Second Row: Prisoners of the Lost Universe, Angel, McGinsey's Island, Red Heat, Avenging Force, Unmasked Part 25, RawHead Rex.

Third Row: The Dirt Bike Kid, Fast Food, Frankenstein's Castle of Freaks, SpellCaster, Vice Academy 2, The Brain.

 

First Row: Making Contact, The New Adventures of Pipi Longstocking, Night of the Demon, Ticks, Brain Damage, Silent Night Deadly Night Special (1-5).

Second Row: Damned River, The Kiss, Black Evil, Mortuary, Godzilla vs. Biollante, Carnosaur Special (1-3), The Deadly Spawn/Metamorphosis, Maniac Cop Special (1-3).

Third Row: Creepers, Bad Channels, Demon Wind, The Offspring, The Legend of Blood Castle, Head of the Family, Lifeforce, Murder in Space, China Girl, The Lightening Incident.

Fourth Row: The Manitour, Mirror Mirror, Rest in Pieces, Up From the Depths, Junior, Comin' At Ya!, The Boneyard, America, The Rejuvinator.

 

First Row: Terror on Tour.

Second Row: Cast a Deadly Spell, Balloon Farm.

Third Row: Uninvited, Evil Spirits, Survival Quest.

Fourth Row: Spookies, The Kindred, Blood Beach, Never Too Young to Die

 

Comment below with what titles you'd like to see us review on the show.